Marriage is a joint effort. When the two of you choose to be on the same team you can survive infidelity.
Many marriage have experienced a partner falling in love with someone else. Approximately 41% of marriage have been impacted by either a physical or emotional affair.
Honestly… that’s a lot of folks who have been where you are.
In our own marriage we have experienced the effects of an emotional affair. Not once, but twice!
As you begin to full understand what is happening in your marriage you may begin to asks the why questions:
Why did my spouse do this to me?
Why did she fall for him?
Why did they think this was OK?
Why didn’t he share his love with me?
The heartache and stress of this experience can cause marriages to end in divorce. But you are ready to overcome, survive infidelity and to have a flourishing marriage.
You CAN survive infidelity and come out stronger and more committed than ever before.
1. Make an appointment with a coach today. Seek out a coach to help you navigate this season of your marriage.
Just like top athletes get help when things are not going well for them in their careers, getting help is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength.
A good coach will provide you with actionable items to help the two of you develop the skills and strategies you need to survive infidelity.
2. Keep lines of communication open. There is a natural tendency to attack your spouse or run from the situation (the fight or flight response). Which one do you associate with?
Whichever response you have you’ll need to relearn how to communicate with your spouse.
You both will want to learn how to deal with the yelling, speaking down to each other and confrontation. This will mean that some discussions will have to be suspended until the two of you are calmer and able to handle the topic.
3. Focus on your beginnings. Why did you fall in love in the first place? What attracted you to each other? What memories have you shared along the way?
You need to connect like you did when you first met. Write down your spouse’s responses so that you can go back and review them at a later time.
Make a choose to focus on the good times you’ve experienced together.
4. Spend time together. Allowing everything to come before your marriage, before spending time together, can often be a cause of infidelity.
There is a disconnect emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually and these need to be brought back into your marriage.
Calendar time together. Yes… schedule time for just the two of you.
Schedule a date day/night, go on a walk and talk, experience a new adventure.
It’s not about what you go and do, it’s that you schedule time to be present with one another.
5. Agree to full transparency. When trust is broken, you need reassurance. Allowing full access into your email, Facebook, text messages, etc., is something you both need to agree to build trust again.
6. Take divorce off the table. You both need to decide right now that divorce is not an option.
As you go through the process of restoring your marriage each of you needs to know that you are 100%/100% focused on doing this together.
At times you may back slide and start to wonder if the time you’re putting forth is worth it. These thoughts are normal.
Knowing that your spouse is 100% committed to you and the marriage will make the difference.
7. Be patient with sexual intimacy. When there has been a physical affair, you or your spouse can’t imagine being sexually intimate again.
Give it time. Listen to each other. Be patient.
Know that you will need to work through your emotional issues so the two of you can be sexually intimate again.
8. Pray alone and together. Pray. Pray for your spouse. The power of prayer changes hearts, shifts attitudes and brings forgiveness and grace.
Pray together… when you do you draw closer together as you share your requests and petitions to God.
9. Start fresh—today. What has happened has happened.
You nor your spouse can change what has happened in the past.
Today it’s time to declare a fresh start!
It’s time to treat each other differently.
Start to dream again about your life together.
When we faced infidelity in our marriage it was these actions that were taken on a daily basis to rebuild the marriage we have today.
It’s now time for you to do the same.