901: If It’s Not Working, Fix It
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” —Anonymous
What are you tolerating in your marriage? What conversations are you avoiding? Because if you don’t intentionally interrupt patterns, they may become permanent.
In the ONE Family, 70% of you are tolerating something in your marriage. For many, it’s actively affecting your relationship. For others, it feels vague or something they can ignore. But if you keep sweeping things under the rug, you’ll trip over that rug eventually.
Now, that doesn’t mean you have to bring up every little thing. Some issues work themselves out. But too many couples avoid problems until they become impossible to ignore. Or until divorce feels like the only option.
We get it. Bringing something up can feel exhausting or like you’re starting a fight. But some things can’t be rationalized or normalized forever without leaving a mark on your marriage.
What are couples in the ONE Family not addressing? The challenges touch all 6 Pillars of Intimacy®:
- Communication
- Sexual intimacy
- Non-sexual touch
- Conflict resolution
- Prayer life
- Finances
- Spending time together
And when something isn’t working, only 22% of couples consistently talk it through. More than half either escalate or avoid entirely.
The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Some couples in marriage coaching are finally addressing things they’ve ignored for 10+ years. Meantime, you’re letting tension, resentment, and disconnection quietly grow in the background.
Fortunately, you can have a reset conversation without blowing things up.
First, stop the blame game. Try these simple switches:
- “You never…” → “I’ve noticed…”
- “You don’t care about intimacy…” → “I miss feeling close to you.”
Next, make sure to pick the right moment. Not when you’re already frustrated or when it’s 10:30 at night.
Pick just one issue to address in your reset conversation. If you’ve been avoiding things for a while, this might be hard because you probably have a laundry list of things you want to discuss. But just pick one.
Then, be specific about what is not working and what you’d like to see change in the relationship. What’s one small adjustment that would make a difference? Start there.
This is how you interrupt the patterns that are keeping you stuck.
Have a reset conversation this week. And if you’re ready to go deeper, pick up the Communication Reset Program here.
Resources
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Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.
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