908: Everyday Life Is Hurting Your Marriage

“It’s not what we have in life, but who we have in our life that matters.” —JM Laurence

Over 80% of couples feel more connected when they’re on vacation. It’s not surprising since vacation often means less stress and more time together.

But if you’re only getting away a couple times a year, your marriage is missing out on deeper intimacy for 50+ weeks. And that’s not an extraordinary marriage.

So what is it that actually makes you feel more connected on vacation? And how do you bring that into everyday life?

The beauty of vacation is that it removes a lot of what comes between you and your spouse: stress, responsibilities, distractions, and so on. When those things are gone and you can slow down together, connection thrives.

But that’s not reality for most of the year.

And here’s the problem… many couples just accept that connection only happens when life slows down. You normalize disconnection because of routines, schedules, and responsibilities.

We hear things like:

• “There’s always something to do.”
• “We’re just in work mode right now.”
• “There are constant distractions: kids, chores, commitments.”

There’s this belief that normal life isn’t special, and that connection only happens during special times.

But when that’s the mindset, here’s what starts to happen:

• Everyday life becomes something you just get through.
• Connection becomes something you delay.
• Intimacy becomes something you wait for.

For most couples, vacation is only 2-3% of the entire year. If you don’t address this, you start building a marriage where connection only exists in escape. And that can quickly lead to resentment, frustration, and disappointment.

Extraordinary couples reject that belief.

They don’t wait for a trip to feel close. They actively look for ways to experience the extraordinary in everyday life.

Here are a few steps to help you start doing that in the next 7 days:

1. Identify What Vacation Actually Changes

Sit down together and ask: “What’s different about us on vacation?”

• Are we more intentional with each other?
• Do we put the phones away?
• Are we more affectionate?
• Do we have more sex?

Then figure out how to bring that into the everyday.

2. Stop Waiting for Life to Slow Down

Make the tough call to clear your calendar so you can actually connect. Connection doesn’t just happen when life slows down… you can choose it in the middle of everything else.

3. Make “Normal” Special Again

Find one thing you can add to your week that turns ordinary into extraordinary. It can be as simple as:

• a regular Tuesday date night
• sitting on the couch together with no phones
• a 10-minute conversation before bed

4. Recreate One Vacation Habit

Think about what you naturally do on vacation and ask how you can bring just one of those things into your weekly rhythm:

• take walks together
• initiate sex more freely
• laugh more
• explore something new together

Vacation reveals what’s possible for your marriage when stressors are removed. But life isn’t vacation.

So your job is to build a marriage where connection exists in your real life (not just when you get away). And thinking about how you naturally show up on vacation is a great place to start.

Resources

The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® Certified Coaching Program

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Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.