913: When Time Off Becomes Another To Do List
“Rest is not idleness.” —John Lubbock
Is your free time getting swallowed up by projects, responsibilities, and everyone else’s needs?
We have been hearing this from couples a lot lately… when free time finally shows up, it gets filled with to-do lists instead of each other.
And look, adult responsibilities are real. No one is arguing that. But the dishes and laundry will always be there. Your marriage needs more than what is left over at the end of the day (which is usually very little).
Here’s what trips most couples up: open time and intentional time are not the same thing.
Open time is just space on the calendar. Intentional time has a purpose. And without intention, house projects, errands, kids, and appointments will fill every gap.
A lot of couples also walk into free time with completely different expectations and never talk about it. One spouse wants to connect. The other wants to knock out the to-do list. One wants rest. The other wants relief.
Without a conversation ahead of time, disappointment turns into resentment… and eventually the question underneath it all becomes, “Do I even matter to you in the middle of all this?” That is where your recreational intimacy and emotional intimacy pillars start to overlap in ways that are hard to ignore.
So what do you do about it?
Before the weekend or day off actually begins, talk about what you want to use the time for. Maybe Saturday morning is for a house project and Saturday evening is for that new restaurant you have been wanting to try. Both things can exist… but you have to decide on purpose.
Then plan ONE thing that is just for the two of you. (Not secretly productive or for the kids!) It could be coffee on the porch, a walk and talk, a drive, a game at the kitchen table, or sitting somewhere with no phones. Simple is fine. The goal is connecting with each other.
And afterward, take a few minutes to talk about how it went. What felt good? What do you want to do differently next time? Life will interrupt sometimes and there is grace for that… but grace does not mean surrendering your marriage to the chaos.
This week, look at your next open day and ask each other, “What do we want this time to actually be for?”
Then choose one thing that strengthens your recreational intimacy through fun, laughter, and new memories.
Resources
The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® Certified Coaching Program
Let’s Get Deep® Date Night Dice
Connect with Us
Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.
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