919: When Intimacy Is Off The Table
“Avoidance is not peace.” —Anonymous
We have heard it far too many times… “This part of marriage does not matter to my spouse, so they don’t engage.”
For some it is physical or sexual intimacy. For others it is spiritual or financial intimacy. Whatever the case, one spouse says they do not need or want it… so it is just not happening.
But when you got married, the two of you became one. So it’s painful to hear that something that matters to you does not matter to your spouse.
And all of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® are necessary for a strong, healthy, beautiful marriage.
You cannot say…
- “I do not want to talk about money”
- “We don’t need date nights”
- Or “Faith is private”
…and expect your marriage to be extraordinary.
Because these areas are not optional. And if something matters to your spouse, it should matter to you. You do not get to unilaterally close a door just because you personally do not feel like walking through it.
Often there is real pain behind that avoidance that is not being addressed. Maybe it is fear, exhaustion, shame, or past hurt. But saying “I’m done” does nothing to heal those cracks in your marriage.
One husband told us, “I do not feel like a priority in her life.” And he is not the only spouse who has felt that.
Left unaddressed, this kind of disconnection leads to resentment… and eventually, relationship wreckage.
So what do you do? We walked through four steps in this episode:
- Name the pillar that is struggling.
- Get honest about why it got avoided in the first place.
- Bring one small piece back to the table. (For example: a hug, a 15-minute money talk, a date, or a meaningful conversation.)
- If your spouse will not engage at all, do not sit in silence. Get support, such as marriage coaching or counseling.
Avoidance is not peace. And silence is not unity. You deserve a marriage that goes beyond roommate syndrome.
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