925: When Fun Doesn’t Go As Planned

“You can have a plan, but you have to be flexible. Every day is unpredictable, and you just have to go with the flow.” —Jane Krakowski

 

You make the plans, take time off, and get excited.

And then something goes sideways:

• The weather changes
• A flight gets canceled
• Someone gets sick
• An activity turns out to be a disaster
• Or one of you realizes, “This is not for me”

Sometimes, recreational intimacy doesn’t go as planned in marriage.

When plans change, it’s easy for disappointment to turn into frustration.

Many times, it’s due to things entirely outside your control. But the feeling of, “We came all this way,” can still weigh heavily on both of you and risk ruining your time together.

Other times, a pivot is required because of one spouse’s choices.

Maybe it was a lack of sunscreen, too much to drink, or staying in the sun so long they get sick. Then it’s easy to point fingers and say, “You knew how much I wanted to do this.”

Or your spouse thought they would be up for something and decided at the last minute they couldn’t go through with it. You might be tempted to respond in frustration, “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Whether the change in plans came from outside circumstances or one spouse’s choices, how you handle that moment matters.

Because not only can the change in plans become a moment of tension, but now there’s the possibility that the two of you are disconnected too.

Recreational intimacy is about the time you spend together at home, on dates, or doing things just for fun. It’s how you laugh together, try new things, and create memories together.

But not every memory is going to happen the way you planned it.

So what do you do?

First, acknowledge the disappointment without making your spouse the problem. You can be disappointed that something didn’t work out without blaming the person you love.

Second, know when it’s time to call it. Sometimes you push through. Other times, you need to admit, “This isn’t working,” and move on. Your marriage is more important than forcing the original plan.

Third, ask, “What can we do instead?” Plan A may be over, but the whole day doesn’t have to be. You can pivot and find another restaurant, another activity, or another way to enjoy the time you already set aside for each other.

In this episode, we share what happened during a weekend in the Florida Keys that definitely did not go according to plan:

• The disappointment of seasickness
• How we handled it as a team
• What we learned about grace, flexibility, and protecting your connection when the fun falls apart

Listen to Episode 925 to hear the full story, including when it’s time to pivot and when it’s time to own your part in why the pivot was needed.

Resources

The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® Certified Coaching Program

Apply for Coaching With Alisa

Connect with Us

Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.