Meet Alisa DiLorenzo, Your Marriage Coach

If you are about to apply for marriage coaching, you probably want to know who will be on the other side of the call. You’ll get that here, before you apply.

Alisa DiLorenzo coaches couples one on one. She and her husband Tony host the ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show and wrote The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. They have been married since 1996. Along the way their marriage went through Tony’s addiction to pornography, the loss of a child at 18 weeks, and more than $50,000 of debt, and they worked through all of it together. Alisa has coached couples for about fifteen years, from all over the world.

Watch what happens in a session

Alisa recorded this for the couples who wonder what they are signing up for. It covers the reminder emails before your first session, what she asks in it, and how the sessions after it run.

Read the transcript

I want to answer a question that I know a lot of folks have, and that is, what happens in a coaching session? And I’m actually gonna back you up a couple of steps to the point that you’ve scheduled your coaching session and walk you through what that looks like, not just with the first session, but with subsequent sessions as well.

Once you have scheduled your first session, I want you to know that you’re gonna receive two emails from me leading up to that. One’s gonna come out about a day before just reminding you that your session is the next day, and then one’ll come out an hour before. The reason for those two emails is I know you lead full lives just like I do, and having those reminders, even if it’s on your calendar, just helps you to be prepared.

In that very first session, I’m going to invite you to share with me what exactly the circumstances are that brought the two of you in for coaching, what was going on in your marriage, what the marriage journey has been like. I wanna hear from both of you, if at all possible, because that gives me both perspectives.

Having been married for three decades now, I know that there’s always his perspective and her perspective, and then there is a shared perspective in the middle. At the end of that first session, there will be a couple of action items, and that is something that actually will carry on throughout your work with me.

Within 24 to 48 hours after a session, you’re going to receive an email from me that is going to discuss the action items that we talked about, and if you opt for it, have a link to the recording of your session. That link to the recording is completely optional. It is not something that you have to ask or request.

It is something that I do make available if you would like that information, um, to see the recording, to see the steps and strategies that we discussed. Now, after that first session, and you’ve got those action items that come, we’ll start the subsequent sessions talking about the actions that were discussed and assigned in the previous session.

And the reason for this is that something that I’ve learned in all of my years of marriage and working with couples for the last 14, 15 years is this: nothing changes in a marriage until the actions change. We can’t wait for our feelings to change to start taking action. We have to take action first so that we can get our feelings on board with the actions that we’re taking.

So, I will start our que- our… So I will start our next session with a question asking about those action items. Where did you have wins in your marriage? What has gone well, and what has been a challenge? And we will continue to work toward the progress, the goals that you set in that first session. It doesn’t matter which pillar of intimacy or pillars of intimacy you’re looking to work on, we’re going to take that same format as we move you and your spouse towards your goals.

Can’t wait to see you in that first session.

How she works

Alisa starts with your application. Before the first session she has read what brought you to this point, what you have tried, and what you want to be different. In that first session she asks to hear from both of you, because his side and her side differ, and the marriage in the middle looks different again.

Every session ends with a couple of action items, and within a day or two you get an email from her that spells them out. If you want it, that email includes a link to the recording of your session. The next session opens with those action items: where you had a win, what went well, and what was hard. Alisa puts it this way in the video: nothing changes in a marriage until the actions change, and the feelings come after.

Sessions run weekly. The work centers on whichever of the six pillars of intimacy your marriage is straining under, whether that is emotional connection, physical touch, money, shared faith, friendship and fun, or sex. She does not run the same plan for every couple. If you want the longer version of what a session is like, read What Is Marriage Coaching, and How Does It Work?

Who she works with

Coaching fits a couple who is safe with each other and ready to work on the marriage. The couples Alisa sees most often describe the same fight on repeat, a house that feels like it has two roommates in it, a schedule that leaves no time for each other, money tension with no secrecy behind it, or early distance in the bedroom. Her clients are in the United States and in other countries, and sessions run over video.

Some situations need more than a coach. If pornography, long withdrawal, or signs of anxiety or depression are part of the picture, a licensed counselor or therapist belongs alongside the coaching, and Alisa will say so. If you are afraid of your spouse, or there is abuse, control, or coercion at home, Alisa points you to the hotline or a licensed professional before coaching. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. If either of you is thinking about suicide, call or text 988.

Apply

The application asks you to reflect on what brought you here, what has worked before, what has not, and what you want. Alisa reads every one.

Apply For Marriage Coaching Now

If you would rather read more first, the marriage coaching page walks through the four steps and carries stories from couples who have worked with her.

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