Back to School: 15 Ways to Rediscover Your Spouse
The smell of new notebooks, fresh crayons, and possibility fills the air. The back-to-school season brings with it a familiar energy and excitement of starting fresh, meeting new people, and learning something new.
But when was the last time you approached your marriage with that same curiosity?
If you’re like most married couples, especially those of us in our 40s and 50s, you might feel like you know everything there is to know about your spouse. After all, you’ve been together for years, maybe even decades. You know how they take their coffee, their favorite TV shows, and exactly which way they’ll load the dishwasher.
But while you’re changing and growing (and we all are as we navigate midlife), your spouse is changing too.
Becoming a Student of Your Spouse Again
Think about it. The person who said “I do” all those years ago isn’t exactly the same person reading this article today. Your priorities have shifted, your perspective has evolved, and your dreams may have changed.
The natural changes that come with midlife affect not only how you feel about yourself but how you see and connect with others, including your spouse.
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your spouse lately, it might not be because you’ve grown apart. It might be because you’ve both grown… and neither of you has taken the time to get reacquainted with who you’re becoming.
The good news? Rediscovering your spouse can be one of the most exciting adventures of your marriage.
Your Marriage Curriculum
Just like school has different subjects, your marriage has different areas where you can rediscover your spouse.
The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® offers a framework for getting curious again:
Emotional Intimacy Studies: What’s in Their Heart Now?
- What dreams are they thinking about these days?
- What worries keep them up at night that they haven’t shared?
- How has their perspective on life changed in recent years?
Physical Intimacy Education: How Do They Want to Touch?
- What kind of loving, non-sexual touch do they crave most?
- How does their body feel different than it did 10 years ago?
Financial Intimacy Literacy: What Are Their Money Dreams?
- How have their financial priorities shifted?
- What would they do with money if there were no limitations?
- What financial fears do they have that they’ve never shared?
Spiritual Intimacy Studies: Where Are They Growing?
- How has their faith or worldview changed over the years?
- What gives their life meaning right now?
- What spiritual questions are they wrestling with?
Recreational Intimacy Research: What Brings Them Joy?
- What new interests have they developed lately?
- How do they prefer to unwind these days?
Sexual Intimacy Seminar: What Does Your Connection Look Like ?
- How have their sexual desires changed over the years?
- What makes them feel most wanted and romanced?
Your Homework Assignment
This week, pick ONE subject from above and become a genuine student of your spouse in that area. Here’s your three-step assignment:
1) Observe: Notice what you see about them in this area without making judgments or assumptions. What do you actually observe about their current interests, concerns, or desires?
2) Ask: Get curious with genuine questions. “I’ve been wondering…” or “I’m curious about…” are great conversation starters.
3) Explore: Take action on what you learned about them! Try something new, plan a fun activity, or start showing love in the ways they most appreciate it.
For example, if you choose Recreational Intimacy Research, you might notice they’ve been watching more cooking shows, ask what appeals to them about cooking, and then suggest cooking a new recipe together this weekend.
The Learning Never Stops
Marriage isn’t a degree you earn once and you’re done. It’s ongoing education. The most extraordinary marriages are built by spouses who remain forever curious about each other, who approach their relationship with the wonder of lifelong learners.
Your spouse isn’t the same person you married, and that’s actually wonderful news. There’s so much more to discover, learn, and fall in love with.
Here’s what every good student knows: learning is easier with others. Whether you’re navigating midlife changes or just feeling disconnected from your spouse, you don’t have to figure this out alone.
Intimacy Mastery offers live coaching, proven tools, and private community support to help you break free from surface-level marriage and create the deep, lasting connection you crave.
Class is in session. Ready to strengthen your marriage with proven strategies and community support?
Join Intimacy Mastery Today >>
Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!
In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.
Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!
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