You might be wondering how a financial guy like Dave Ramsey, best selling author of Financial Peace, who has impacted millions of folks with their finances could possible save one couple’s sex life.
We never thought about this until just a couple of weeks ago.
We were attending The Church at Rancho Bernardo marriage retreat when it hit us. Over the course of the retreat there was much talk about intimacy, obviously something we talk a lot about. But it was when our Financial Pastor, Bill Besalski, got up to talk about financial intimacy when we looked at each other and realized the impact Dave Ramsey has had on our sex life.
Backup: Ten years ago we were up to our eyeballs in debt (student loans, mortgage, cars, credit card)-you name it we had done it! Then I (Tony) started listening to Dave Ramsey and realized how much sense he made. I had Alisa listen as well and that’s when we got serious about getting out of debt and living debt free.
Now here we are in 2010, at the retreat Bill handed out a couple of financial worksheets for each couple to go over together. It was at this point that we looked at each other and realized how far we had come.
Here are the questions that were on that sheet and our answers.
Answer True or False to the following:
- We pay off our credit card balances every month. Not Applicable (We haven’t had one in almost 10 years)
- We have a liquid “Emergency Fund” equal to at least 3 months of household expenses. TRUE
- We have a budget in place that establishes long term priorities (savings, retirement, kids education, etc.) and assures we do not incur inappropriate debts (i.e. credit cards). TRUE
- We have an automatic system (i.e. payroll deduction) in place to fund our retirement. TRUE
- We have checked our credit scores within the past year and monitor them regularly. TRUE
To what degree do the following describe your approach to finances in your marriage?
(0=Not at All to 10=Living It!)
- We understand that it is “All His” & as a result give generously and joyfully at least 10% of our income to God’s church. Tony=8 & Alisa=9
- We frequently discuss our financial goals as well as our progress. Both=10
- When it comes to our finances we have discussed and agree on our respective roles in managing our money, but share equally in the responsibility and accountability. Both=10
- As a family we read the Bible and pray together regarding the significant challenges and/or concerns in our life. Both=10
- There are few unresolved conflicts in our marriage when it comes to how each of us manages and/or spends money. Both=9
It was during this session that we realized the fruits of our labor & God’s blessings. If we hadn’t made financial intimacy a priority 10 years ago who knows what our intimacy would look like today. When we came together and attacked the problem (debt, credit cards, car loans, etc) it brought the two of us closer together. We were no longer on separate sides of the fence arguing at each other. Instead we were holding hands using all of our energies to rid ourselves of the debt we were under. The couple of years it took for us to eliminate our debt has changed our intimacy.
It’s taken 10 years for it to fully sink in, but we now understand how important it is to be on the same page when talking about our finances. We talk about our finances regularly now. Doing so takes the stress of money out of our bedroom where sexual intimacy is both beneficial and enjoyed by both of us.
We’re not the only ones who realize that financial intimacy is so important. Here’s what Jeff & NeCole had to say about their financial intimacy during the 7 Days of Sex Challenge, “Day two turned out to be a blessing. After spending the day taking a hard look at our finances and sitting down to restructure them, we both were more than stressed and welcomed the chance to forget about it and focus on each other. Afterwards, we both felt much less stressed and our thought processes were clearer. And instead of tossing and turning all night because of the stress, we both slept like babies.”
It’s time to save your sex life! Make it a point to go over the above questions with your spouse and dig into your financial intimacy.
What has been your experience with financial intimacy in your marriage?