GOING DEEPER: HOW BEING TRANSPARENT CAN CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE

“We won’t settle for ordinary. Let God orchestrate the extraordinary.” —Jennifer and Aaron Smith

Everyone goes into marriage with expectations.

We get along great… we’ll be able to handle anything that comes our way.

I’m so easy going, I’m sure we won’t have any big fights.

Our love is going to grow naturally, we won’t have to work at this.

Any problems that I’m facing before marriage will go away once we are married.

And then reality hits. Things don’t always go as planned. Sometimes, life goes horribly awry and it can be hard to deal with what you are feeling. Most of us aren’t ever fully transparent with ourselves and it’s even harder to be transparent with another human being, especially your spouse. It can seem so much easier to run away from our challenges than to face them.

Often when a couple is facing challenges in their marriage they experience emotions like:

  • Isolation: We are the only ones going through this.
  • Embarrassment: We can’t talk to anyone about this. What will they think?
  • Resentment or anger: Why can’t we fix this? What’s wrong with us?

Those feelings make being transparent with one another hard and yet it’s the most important time to be transparent with your spouse.

What does it look like to be fully transparent, to give your heart fully to your spouse, to experience “full disclosure”?

According to Jennifer and Aaron, it starts with your relationship with God. You have to be willing to go to the hard places with God, to completely reveal yourself to him. Yes, he knows you. However, it is in your choosing to reveal yourself to God that you develop the ability to reveal yourself to others.

Once you have chosen to have that level of intimacy with God, it becomes easier to do so with your spouse. You now cultivate a relationship where you tell each other everything, including the not so good parts. You do this from a place of love with the understanding that what you are saying is coming from a place of love.

So how do you start?

  1. Get in alignment with God’s word. Open the Bible and start walking in it. Surrender to God’s will for your life and your marriage.
  2. Talk to your spouse. You can’t have transparency if you aren’t willing to tell your spouse what is going on. He or she cannot read your mind.
  3. Make your marriage be a safe place. Intentionally set aside time to connect. Speak to each other in love and give the grace that God has given you.

As Aaron says in the interview, “I do not have the right to hold anything against my wife. As Jesus, said you will not be forgiven unless you, yourself, forgive.”

We want to be in marriages where truth, where transparency, is central to how we connect. It starts with you.

Today’s guests are a husband and wife team that are transforming marriages around the world. Aaron and Jennifer Smith are the founders of Husband Revolution and Unveiled Wife. Together they inspire and encourage husbands and wives all over the world to have a God centered marriage. They have been blogging and authoring books on marriage for 6 years. They celebrated 10 years of marriage this January and live in central Oregon with their 3 children.

Other Resources:

Wife After God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband

Husband After God: Drawing Closer To God And Your Wife

Thirty-One Prayers For My Husband: Seeing God Move in His Heart

Thirty-One Prayers For My Wife: Seeing God Move In Her Heart

The Unveiled Wife: Embracing Intimacy with God and Your Husband

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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