GOING DEEPER: MY FEELINGS COME FROM ME

“How you think and how you feel about your spouse has more to do with what you do than what they do.” —Jon Anderson

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When something doesn’t go quite right in your marriage where do you look?

Most people look to blame their spouse or to the circumstances. It’s easier to look outward then it is to look at ourselves.

However, Jon Anderson says that when we are dealing with feelings we need to take a look at the person in the mirror.

How you react to a situation is a product of your life experiences to that point in time. What you have experienced in the past dictates how you react today.

This means that your spouse isn’t causing your feelings… your life is causing your feelings.

And it also means that you have the ability to change your perception of ANY situation you find yourself in.

How incredible is that?

The other powerful insight that comes from this realization is that your spouse is NOT the one that makes you happy. Yes, they can do things that make you happy. Yes, you can experience happiness when you are spending time with them.

But the person that determines your happiness…it’s YOU!

And it starts with a simple exercise that each one of you can do on a daily basis.

Express your gratitude:

  1. Get a journal… It can be a simple spiral notebook or a more elaborate journal. The choice is yours.
  2. Set aside the time to write. You don’t need hours upon hours. Creating margin for 5-10 minutes will yield incredible results.
  3. Start with thinking “I am grateful for…” or “I’m thankful for…” and fill in the blank. Some days you will have much to write and other days you may have less.
  4. When you make seeking gratitude a part of your life you will find that you have many more things to be grateful for and that will make all of the difference in your marriage.

Jon Anderson is the founder and president of Growing Love Network, a non-profit organization that is dedicated to revolutionizing people for lifelong love. He has led over 100 marriage intensive workshops throughout the U.S. He is the author of “Growing Love”, and “365 Days of Growing Love”.

Other Resources:

Growing Love

365 Days of Growing Love

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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