Spiritual Intimacy: The Deepest Connection in Marriage

What Is Spiritual Intimacy?

Spiritual intimacy encompasses your religious beliefs and observed religious practices as a couple. This can be as simple as praying together, going to church together, or discussing spiritual issues as a couple.

But here’s what makes this pillar unique: For many couples, spiritual intimacy can be more intimate than sex.

When you hear your spouse praying or worshipping, you see them in a different light. You witness them in their most vulnerable, open state before God. This creates a depth of connection that nothing else can match.

As Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo emphasize, “Spiritual intimacy is an area of life that many consider very individual; however, in marriage, you and your spouse are one. If you are dealing with something spiritually, it will affect your spouse.”

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Why Spiritual Intimacy Matters

If you ignore spiritual intimacy as a couple, you put all of your other Pillars of Intimacy at risk.

Spiritual intimacy:

• Creates the deepest bond: Prayer together accesses vulnerability that even sex doesn’t reach
• Provides perspective: Shared faith helps you see beyond daily struggles
• Builds a foundation: Shared values guide decision-making through every season
• Offers support: A faith community provides strength during hard times
• Lasts a lifetime: Folded hands take over when libidos fade

A lack of spiritual intimacy can be fatal to a marriage if not dealt with. Even couples who believe the same things can struggle in this area. Only 13% of the ONE Family say their spiritual intimacy is where they want it to be.

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Signs of Strong Spiritual Intimacy

When this pillar is thriving:

• You pray together regularly (not just before meals)
• You share what God is teaching you
• Attending church is something you do together
• You can discuss your spiritual doubts and questions openly
• Faith influences your major decisions as a couple
• You serve together in some capacity
• Spiritual growth is a shared priority

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Signs Your Spiritual Intimacy Needs Work

Cracks in your spiritual intimacy pillar often show up as:

• Prayer together feels awkward or nonexistent
• You go to church separately or not at all
• Faith discussions are surface-level or avoided entirely
• Spiritual growth is a solo pursuit
• You don’t know what God is doing in your spouse’s life
• NO TRESPASSING signs have gone up around your heart

Too often, the NO TRESPASSING signs get put up inside of your heart because of hurt, fear, or distrust. These barriers block your spouse from the most sacred parts of who you are.

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5 Strategies to Boost Spiritual Intimacy

1. Pray Together

Not just for each other, but with each other. There’s a difference.

Prayer is an avenue through which you and your spouse can experience breakthrough and deep, intimate connection.

Start small: 15 minutes, once a week (seriously, that’s enough). You don’t have to be full of big theological words or go on for 10 minutes. Simple, honest prayers are enough.

It can be awkward or uncomfortable to pray out loud with your spouse. You might feel vulnerable or embarrassed. Becoming comfortable praying aloud may take time and practice, but it is worth it.

Sex is amazing! Your sex life is a great barometer, compass, and treatment plan for your married life. With that being said, praying together takes you into an even more intimate place than making love.

2. Read the Bible Together

The Bible is meant to be bread for daily use, not cake for special occasions.

You don’t need to be Bible scholars. Start with:

• A devotional designed for couples
• A chapter of Proverbs each day
• Reading through a Gospel together

Take turns reading aloud. Discuss what stands out to each of you. Don’t worry about having all the answers.

3. Attend Church Together

Being part of a faith community matters. Going to church together:

• Provides shared spiritual experience
• Connects you with other couples
• Offers teaching and growth opportunities
• Creates accountability

If you’re not currently attending, find a church together. Make it a joint decision.

4. Worship Together

Worship can happen at church, but it can also happen at home. Put on worship music. Sing together. Allow yourselves to be vulnerable before God and before each other.

When you worship together, you bare your souls. You see each other seeking God. This creates profound intimacy.

5. Have Faith Conversations

Talk about your beliefs, your questions, your struggles, your growth. Go deeper than surface-level faith talk:

• Where do you go in times of real trouble?
• Who “initiates” spiritually in our marriage?
• How will you support each other’s spiritual walk?
• What will your spiritual intimacy routines look like?

These conversations build understanding and connection.

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3 Great Reasons to Pray With Your Spouse

Reason 1: It’s the Most Intimate Way to Connect

Praying together is more intimate than sex. When you pray with your spouse, you’re both vulnerable before God. You hear their deepest concerns, hopes, and struggles. You witness their faith.

Reason 2: You Gain a Bigger Perspective

Life’s problems look smaller when you bring them to God together. Praying as a couple helps you see beyond the immediate struggle to the bigger picture. It reminds you that you’re not alone.

Reason 3: When You Pray, Things Happen

Answered prayers become anchored memories in your marriage. They remind you of God’s faithfulness and strengthen your faith for future challenges.

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Overcoming Common Barriers

“I’m Not Comfortable Praying Out Loud”

This is one of the most common barriers to spiritual intimacy. Here’s permission to start small:

You don’t have to sit across a table saying formal prayers. Share what you’ve been praying about. Pray silently while holding hands. Read a written prayer together. Work up to spoken prayers as you become more comfortable.

“We’re at Different Spiritual Levels”

That’s okay. Spiritual intimacy isn’t about being at the same place. It’s about walking together, wherever each of you is on the journey.

The more spiritually mature spouse should create safety, not pressure. The spouse who’s exploring or struggling should feel free to be honest without judgment.

“We Don’t Agree on Everything Spiritually”

Many couples have slightly different beliefs, denominations, or practices. Focus on what you share, not what divides you. Build spiritual intimacy around common ground while respecting differences.

“We’ve Never Done This Before”

Start today. It’s never too late. Many couples who have been married for decades discover spiritual intimacy for the first time and wonder why they waited so long.

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5 Ways to Grow Spiritually as a Couple

1. Take turns reading the Bible or a devotional: Build it into your routine 2. Connect with a faith community: Find a small group or class for couples 3. Serve together: Put your faith into action side by side 4. Share what resonates: Keep a shared notebook or text each other verses that speak to you 5. Pray together: Even 5 minutes daily changes everything

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Your Spouse Is Not Your Spiritual Savior

Here’s an important truth: Your spouse was not designed to be the answer to all your prayers, and you weren’t designed to be the answer to all of theirs. At best, you are a helper, a reflection, and the occasional guide.

Your spouse cannot meet all your spiritual needs. You need:

• Your own relationship with God
• A community of believers
• Personal spiritual disciplines

Spiritual intimacy in marriage supplements but doesn’t replace these other elements.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How often should we pray together?

Start with what’s sustainable, even if it’s once a week for 15 minutes. As it becomes more natural, you can increase frequency. Some couples pray together briefly every night. Others have a longer weekly prayer time. Find what works for you.

What if my spouse isn’t interested in spiritual intimacy?

You can’t force spiritual growth. Focus on your own faith while remaining open and inviting. Pray for your spouse privately. Model faith without preaching. Sometimes one spouse’s consistent faith eventually influences the other.

We’re from different faith backgrounds. Can we still have spiritual intimacy?

Yes, though it requires more intentional conversation. Discuss your beliefs openly. Find common ground where you can connect. Decide together how you’ll handle areas of difference, especially regarding children.

How do we pray together without it feeling awkward?

Start simple. Hold hands and take turns praying one sentence each. Use a prayer book or guided prayers. Pray about specific, practical things (the kids, upcoming decisions, each other). The awkwardness fades with practice.

What if we’ve never been a spiritual couple?

It’s never too late to begin. Start with a conversation about what spiritual intimacy could look like for you. Begin with one small practice. Build from there. Many couples discover spiritual intimacy decades into marriage.

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Featured Resources on Spiritual Intimacy

Explore these articles for more on building spiritual connection:

• The Importance of Spiritual Intimacy in Your Marriage – Deep dive into this pillar
• 10 Day Prayer Challenge for Couples – A structured approach to praying together
• 3 Simple Secrets of Spiritual Intimacy – Practical starting points
• Marriage Problems Bible Verses – Scripture for struggling marriages

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The 6 Pillars of Intimacy Framework

Spiritual intimacy is one of six interconnected pillars that support an extraordinary marriage:

1. Emotional Intimacy – The foundation of communication and vulnerability
2. Physical Intimacy – Non-sexual touch that creates connection
3. Sexual Intimacy – The romantic and sexual connection
4. Financial Intimacy – Partnership in money matters
5. Spiritual Intimacy – Shared faith and values
6. Recreational Intimacy – Fun and play together

For some couples, spiritual intimacy is the deepest pillar. For many couples, spiritual intimacy can be more intimate than sex. When this pillar is strong, it provides a foundation that stabilizes every other area of your marriage.

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Take the Next Step

There is a deep intimacy that comes from being open with your spouse about your innermost fears, desires, struggles, and hopes. Spiritual intimacy invites that openness before God and before each other.

This week, take one step:

• Pray one prayer together before bed
• Share what you’ve been reading in Scripture
• Discuss one spiritual question you’ve been pondering
• Attend church together and talk about it afterward

Remember: Start with 15 minutes, once a week (seriously, that’s enough). Build from there.

For a comprehensive understanding of all six pillars, pick up a copy of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy by Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo.

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Resources to Help

• The 6 Pillars of Intimacy Book
• 5 Day Intimacy Challenge
• Marriage Coaching