In marriage, you and your spouse will face countless life changes. With every new job, home, or child, there is an adjustment period. But the transition into retirement is often overlooked, especially when one spouse retires before the other.


When one spouse retires first—whether due to age, health, portfolio, or other factors—resentment and frustration can build. 

During this transition, you must guard against cracks forming in your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. Being on the same page with your spouse and knowing what to expect can help you enjoy the rewards of retirement together. 

Prepare for Three Major Changes

The transition into retirement comes with many changes. Anticipating these changes and discussing expectations beforehand can help you avoid conflict and resentment.  

First, retirement changes how much time you have. You can fill your days pursuing new hobbies, traveling, spending time with friends and family, and more. 

Second, retirement changes how much freedom you have. Without a set routine of when or where you work, you have the flexibility to decide how you spend your time and energy.

Third, retirement changes your financial situation. Even when one spouse continues working, your budget and lifestyle will likely change. 

How you spend your time and money during retirement undoubtedly affects your marriage. So having these conversations in advance is crucial to minimize conflict, misunderstandings, and resentment.

When Your Spouse Retires First

If you remain working after your spouse retires, it’s simple to fall into the trap of resentment.

Resentment causes cracks to form in your 6 Pillars of Intimacy® and weakens your marriage. To keep your marriage strong, you must prioritize connection and communication. 

For example, if you feel envious of your spouse’s freedom and fun, don’t keep it bottled up. This will only cause cracks to form in your emotional intimacy.

Instead, talk with your spouse. Share what you are feeling and what solutions might help. Do you need to approach household roles in a new way? Would you like more date nights so you can have fun together? Connect with each other and decide what compromises will work best.  

Another challenge you might face as the working spouse is frustration about your financial situation. You may feel pressured to maintain your old lifestyle with a lower income, or you might wish to set new financial goals to manage spending better. 

Talk with your spouse about your financial frustrations or concerns. Commit to creating and sticking to a budget together and regularly assess any lifestyle changes you need to make. This will help keep your financial intimacy strong. 

When You Retire First

Your life can change dramatically when you retire. On the one hand, you have newfound freedom and flexibility to enjoy your days however you wish. On the other hand, you may feel lost in your identity and purpose. 

It is common to experience loneliness or depression after you leave the workforce. With you and your spouse in different stages of life, you may feel disconnected. 

To keep your marriage strong, involve your spouse in the transition. 

For example, as you explore passion projects or try new activities, talk about them with your spouse. Sharing your goals and interests will strengthen your emotional intimacy. You can also boost your recreational intimacy by participating in fun hobbies together. 

Retirement will affect your financial situation, so involve your spouse in the changes. Determine when and how you will use retirement funds, and understand that these plans may change. 

Finally, discuss the division of labor in your household. Your role and responsibilities may change as your spouse continues to work. Seek a balance between enjoying your free time and supporting your spouse. 

Keeping Your Marriage Strong During Retirement

As with any transition in marriage, communication is key. Whether you retire first or continue working, speak up when you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or unsupported. 

Prioritize connection with each other. Spend time together having fun, share your thoughts and feelings, and openly communicate about your financial situation. Pick up your copy of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy: The Secret to an Extraordinary Marriage so you can regularly evaluate each pillar and take action to address any cracks that form.  

With intentionality, understanding, and flexibility, you and your spouse can adjust to this new phase of life and experience its benefits together.

Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

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