How to Make Love Last: 7 Marriage Hacks You Need to Know

In 1996, we said, “I do.” Since then, we have experienced life. There have been highs, lows, wins, and challenges. And in all that time, we’ve learned some powerful lessons about how to make love last.

So, if you want to breathe new life into your marriage, don’t miss these top seven marriage hacks.

These are more than just tips or ideas, by the way.

A hack is defined as “a strategy or technique for managing one’s time or activities more efficiently.” And, for the sake of this article, the “activity” you want to manage more effectively (and extraordinarily!) is your marriage. 

Apply these liberally and watch your marriage transform. And make sure to read to the end. We save the best for last!

7. Take Care of Your Health—and Libido

A healthy body supports a healthy sex life. The better you feel, the more confident you are. And the more confident you are, the more likely you are to initiate and enjoy sexual intimacy.

Keeping you and your libido in good shape will be a huge stress- and time-saver in your marriage.

Don’t make it hard to stay healthy. Start with these resources to boost your energy and libido:

• Jump Start Your Sex Drive with Libido-Boosting Vitamins and Minerals
• Stress and Sex Masterclass
• 809: Responsive Desire

Long-time listener Kim puts it this way…

“Since stumbling upon your podcast, our marriage has made a 180—from ships passing in the night to two people on the love boat. We have scheduled monthly dates, weekly ‘tech free’ talk times, and sex once a week, with us switching off who initiates every other week. I am happier, and my husband is OBVIOUSLY happier getting it on the regular. But even more so, it is making us better parents, too. We are more willing to be flexible and think about each other’s needs and less focused on our own.”

6. Focus on Emotional Intimacy First

Emotional intimacy is the workhorse of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. It’s the foundation that helps keep the other areas of your marriage in sync.

So, if you desire better date nights or more passionate sex, make sure your Emotional Intimacy Pillar is standing strong and secure. 

Use these resources to connect on a deeper level:

• 6 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Marriage
• 711: Rekindle the Romance
• 799: We Have Nothing to Talk About

Check out this couple that revamped their emotional intimacy big time!

“I feel convicted about things I need to do to improve our marriage… It’s about emotional and physical intimacy, and I certainly have been neglecting those parts of our marriage. Even with this stress/turmoil going on, something happened this weekend that hasn’t been true in YEARS….I missed my husband. I missed HIM. Not the kids. Him. I couldn’t wait to get home.”

5. Ask and Answer Questions

Statements end journeys; questions get them started!

If you’re wondering how to make love last, asking open-ended questions is a great place to start. It shows interest and invites deeper conversations.

Become good at asking and answering questions, and you’ll cut through a lot of heartache.

Here are some great ones to supercharge this hack in your marriage:

• 28 Romantic Conversation Prompts
• 784: The Right Questions for Deeper Sexual Intimacy
• Connect Like You Did When You First Met: 101 Proven Questions for Couples

Here’s a couple that got this one to work like a charm: 

“It is amazing how one simple question can lead to a 20-minute conversation. For us, Connect Like You Did When You First Met has allowed us to actually talk about things that make a difference in our marriage.”

4. Overcome Rejection Fearlessly

We all feel rejection at some point in our marriage. For too many, it signals the beginning of the end. It doesn’t have to, though.

In fact, overcoming rejection can lead you to a deeper intimacy than you’ve ever had before.

Feeling rejected or stumped? Start here:

• 295; The No Rejection Zone
• 332: Releasing Resentment
• 804: Emotional Rejection

Here’s what it looks like to open up and get the ball rolling:

“I control our sexual intimacy 100%. I play the stall game, withhold sex if I am unhappy with him for some reason, and really don’t even have much interest in being sexually intimate… The constant rejection is chipping away at our marriage.

I have known this for a long time and have failed to change my actions. But listening to both of you has given me the motivation to actually take some action to save/protect my marriage. While we have become more emotionally and financially intimate as a married couple over the last couple of years, now it is time for me to work on becoming more physically and sexually intimate with him.”

3. Rebuild Trust

This one takes the number three spot because if your trust tank is low, everything suffers. But with effort, trust can be rebuilt stronger than ever.

In fact, stopping the trust leaks and restoring unity puts a multiplier into all you do as a couple.

Check out these resources to get started:

• The Trust Factor
• 701: Actively Rebuilding Broken Trust
• 3 Reasons Jealousy is Wrecking Your Marriage
• 9 Ways Your Marriage Can Survive Infidelity

One listener put it this way, reminding us there is hope for us all:

“My name is Amber. I just found your podcast yesterday and have listened to at least nine episodes already. I have been struggling with trust and jealousy most of my life, and I’m tired. This morning, when I listened to the podcast about jealousy, I broke down crying, and it’s how I relate to my spouse.

He hasn’t cheated and gives me no reason to think he is but the light bulb went on for me when you said it can come from a lack of communication. He has done things in the past I’ve had to get over, but I’m having an extremely hard time letting go, and he isn’t one to communicate about feelings or even how his day was. Made a lot of sense to me now why I become so crazy over small things. Thank you for your words, openness, and advice to all of us!”

2. Embrace The Intimacy Lifestyle

Being sexually intimate with your spouse is not an event 3 times a week; it’s a lifestyle.

A healthy sex life is the best indicator and sustainer of a healthy marriage.

Scheduling and prioritizing sex helps keep your relationship vibrant.
Dive deeper into a lifetime of marital bliss:

• Intimacy Lifestyle Planner FREE Guide
• 328: The Intimacy Lifestyle
• 805: Make Your Own Rules When It Comes to Scheduling Sex
• 11 Must Have Items for Your Bedroom

Here’s a taste of how powerful this can be: 

“Love your podcasts. We just started the Intimacy Lifestyle. We decided on days that work for him to initiate and me to initiate. The first week, I was about two hours from my deadline, exhausted from dealing with kids and life. It was very easily one of those nights I could’ve fallen asleep and not thought twice. But we made the commitment. All I can say is WOW, I’m glad we kept to our commitment.”

1. Try a Sex Challenge

The ultimate marriage hack for how to make love last? Sex challenges.

It’s so simple. Pick a number of days in a row. Have sex on each of those days. Compare notes.

Lather, rinse, repeat. And watch your marriage grow healthier each time.
Committing to consistent sexual intimacy forces you to assess all the other areas of your marriage, and it deepens your connection and trust.

Want to do your first (or next) sex challenge? Start here:

• 001: 60 Days of Sex
• 800: 60 Day Sex Challenge Revisited
• 7 Days of Sex Challenge: How to Rock Your Sex Life and Your Marriage
• 3 Ways to Escape the Rut of Sexual Boredom

One very happy husband puts it like this:

“I showed my wife the book, and she said let’s do it. I was shocked to hear this but thrilled that she initiated the challenge! We not only made the seven days but did thirteen out of sixteen days. We listen to your podcasts, and it has changed our marriage!”

That’s it, folks! Our brightest and our best marriage hacks for how to make love last, all wrapped up into ONE.

Want to go deeper?

If you’re ready to strengthen all 6 Pillars of Intimacy® in your marriage, Intimacy Mastery gives you the personalized tools, weekly content, and community support to build the extraordinary marriage you both want.

Click here to learn more about Intimacy Mastery.