How to Prepare for a Marriage Retreat: The Complete Guide

You’ve made one of the best decisions for your marriage: investing in a retreat. Whether you’re looking to strengthen an already good relationship or address issues that have been building for years, the choice to step away together and focus on your marriage is significant.

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But here’s what most couples don’t realize: the retreat itself is just part of the equation. How you prepare in the weeks leading up to it can make the difference between a nice getaway and a genuine turning point in your relationship.

We’ve talked with thousands of couples over the years—some attending retreats, some speaking at them—and we’ve noticed a pattern. The couples who arrive prepared, who’ve done the inner work before they even check in, walk away with far more than those who show up hoping the retreat will do all the heavy lifting.

In this guide, we’ll walk you through everything you need to prepare: the practical logistics, the emotional groundwork, the spiritual preparation, and what to expect when you get there. Let’s make sure your investment pays off.

Why Preparation Matters for Marriage Retreats

Fail to plan? Plan to fail.

That might sound harsh, but we’ve seen it play out repeatedly. A couple spends significant money and time on a retreat, arrives stressed and distracted, and leaves wondering why nothing felt different.

The retreat itself is a container—a space for transformation. But what you bring into that container determines what happens inside it.

Couples who prepare get significantly more value because they:

• Arrive with clear intentions rather than vague hopes
• Have already started the hard conversations
• Know which areas of their marriage need the most attention
• Come ready to be vulnerable, not just present

Think about it through the lens of the 6 Pillars of Intimacy® framework. Your marriage has six interconnected areas: emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual intimacy. When one pillar has cracks, it affects the others. A marriage retreat gives you concentrated time to address those cracks—but only if you know where they are.

Before you go, ask yourselves: Which pillars need the most attention right now? Is it your emotional connection that’s frayed? Has recreational intimacy fallen off the calendar completely? Has sexual intimacy become routine or rare?

Use the preparation time to diagnose before you prescribe. The retreat provides the treatment—but you need to identify the illness first.

Practical Preparation: 2-4 Weeks Before

The logistical details might seem mundane, but they matter. Nothing undermines emotional openness like worry about whether the kids are okay or whether that work deadline got handled.

Clear Your Calendar Completely

This isn’t just time away—it’s time together. That means:

• Book time off work with zero work obligations
• Arrange childcare with someone you trust completely (extended family, close friends)
• Handle pet care
• Pause any major household projects
• Complete upcoming deadlines before you leave

The goal is to walk into the retreat with a clear mind. Every loose end you leave dangling will pull at your attention when you should be focused on each other.

Set Expectations With Others

• Let friends and family know you’ll be “off the grid”
• Set email auto-responders
• Resist the urge to post about the trip on social media while you’re there

When you post about your relationship on social media, everybody else starts forming judgments and opinions. Keep this sacred time between the two of you.

Handle the Home Front

If you have kids, prepare more than you think you need to. Leave detailed instructions, emergency contacts, and enough flexibility for whoever’s watching them. The less you worry about home, the more you can be present at the retreat.

What to Pack for a Marriage Retreat

The right items make a difference. Here’s what we recommend:

For Sessions:

• Comfortable clothing you can sit in for extended periods
• Layers (conference rooms run cold, outdoor spaces run hot)
• A journal and your favorite pen—you’ll want to capture insights
• Any relationship books or workbooks the retreat requested

For Connection:

• A casual date night outfit for any evening activities
• Outdoor or activity-appropriate attire if the retreat includes recreation
• Photos of meaningful moments together (optional but powerful for exercises)
• A letter to your spouse written before the retreat (more on this below)

For Faith-Based Retreats:

• Your Bible or devotional
• A shared devotional book if you have one

For Comfort:

• Favorite snacks you can share
• Your own pillow if you sleep better that way
• Medications and personal care items
• Anything that helps you relax

The Pre-Retreat Letter

Consider writing your spouse a letter before you leave. Not a list of complaints—a genuine letter expressing why you’re committed to this marriage, what you appreciate about them, and what you’re hoping for from this time together.

Exchange letters the night before the retreat or on the drive there. It sets the tone for everything that follows.

Emotional and Mental Preparation

This is where the real work begins before the retreat even starts.

Have the Honest Conversation

Before you go, sit down together and talk about:

Expectations:

• What do you each hope to gain from this retreat?
• What topics do you want to address?
• What are you nervous about?
• What would make this feel like a success?

Current State:

• Write down your top 3 issues to work on
• Journal individually about where your marriage stands right now
• Be honest about what’s working and what isn’t

Questions to Ask Each Other Before the Retreat

Don’t wait until you’re sitting in a session to start being vulnerable. Use these questions in the weeks before:

1. What do you see as our biggest challenge right now? 2. What area of our marriage are you most hopeful about? 3. What do you need from me during this experience? 4. What boundaries should we set for the retreat itself? 5. What are you afraid might come up?

These conversations prime the pump. You’re not solving everything beforehand—you’re opening the door so the retreat can take you further.

Adjust Your Mindset

This might be the hardest preparation of all. Before you arrive, commit to:

• Letting go of “proving you’re right”: You’re not there to win arguments. You’re there to win your marriage.
• Being fully present: No mental checklists about home or work.
• Embracing honesty: Even when it’s uncomfortable.
• Remembering you’re on the same team: Your spouse is not the enemy. Marriage is the ultimate team sport—you’re not competing against each other, you’re working toward the same goal.

The two of you are spouses, not opponents. Every issue you discuss is something you face together, not a battle one of you needs to win.

Spiritual Preparation for Faith-Based Retreats

If your retreat includes a faith component—and many of the best ones do—spiritual preparation amplifies everything else.

Praying together takes you into an even more intimate place than making love. When you hear your spouse praying, when you witness their spiritual vulnerability, you see them in a different light. In some ways, spiritual intimacy can be more intimate than sex.

Before You Go:

• Pray together about the retreat, even if it feels awkward. Start with 15 minutes, once a week. That’s enough to begin.
• Ask God to prepare both your hearts for whatever He has for you.
• Release your expectations of specific outcomes. Be open to what God wants to do, not just what you’re hoping for.
• Read scriptures on marriage renewal together. Let the Word ground you.
• Connect with prayer spouses who can support you while you’re away.

Don’t overthink the spiritual preparation. There’s no one single way to pray. It doesn’t have to be full of theological words or go on for 10 minutes. Just be real with God and each other.

What to Expect During a Marriage Retreat

Knowing what’s coming helps you arrive ready rather than anxious.

Typical Elements

Most marriage retreats include some combination of:

• Group sessions with other couples (teaching, exercises)
• Private couple time for your own discussions and exercises
• One-on-one sessions with facilitators (more common at intensives)
• Reflection and journaling time
• Recreational activities and date opportunities
• Shared meals with other attendees

What to Expect Emotionally

Here’s what most couples aren’t told: retreats are emotionally intense. Expect to feel a range of emotions—sometimes within the same hour.

• Vulnerability is the point, not a problem. The discomfort means you’re doing it right.
• Some couples cry, argue, or have breakthrough moments. All of this is normal.
• Exhaustion is expected. This is real emotional work. You’re not on vacation—you’re on a mission.
• Breakthroughs often come in unexpected moments. The insight might hit during a meal or a walk, not during the formal session.

There is a deep intimacy that comes from being open with your spouse about your innermost fears, desires, struggles, and hopes. The retreat creates space for that opening—but you have to walk through it.

Preparing Your Mindset for Maximum Impact

The couples who get the most from retreats aren’t necessarily the ones with the worst problems—they’re the ones who come with the right posture.

Come With an Open Heart, Not a Closed Case

Don’t arrive with a list of grievances to present and a verdict already decided. Come ready to hear, learn, and grow—including hearing difficult truths about yourself.

Leave Defensiveness at Home

You were given two ears for a reason: you should listen twice as much as you talk. When your spouse shares something hard, resist the urge to justify, deflect, or counter-attack. Just listen.

Remember: We Repeat What We Don’t Repair

Every pattern you avoid dealing with will keep showing up. The retreat is your chance to finally address what you’ve been stepping around for months or years. Commit to repair, not repeat.

Your Spouse Is Your Lover, Not Your Opponent

Tony is Alisa’s husband, not just her best friend. We have friendships that don’t include physical intimacy—marriage is different. At the retreat, remember the fullness of what you’re fighting for: a spouse, a lover, a teammate for life.

After the Retreat: Setting Up for Success

The retreat ends, but the work doesn’t. What you do in the weeks after determines whether the experience creates lasting change or fades into memory.

In the First Week:

• Schedule a follow-up conversation for one week post-retreat
• Review your notes and materials together
• Identify 2-3 specific changes you want to implement
• Plan a date within two weeks to practice your new skills

For Long-Term Success:

• Remove distractions that contributed to your disconnect in the first place
• Create accountability structures to stay on track
• Consider follow-up coaching to keep the momentum going

For couples wanting support before, during, or after a retreat, working with a coach provides personalized guidance that a retreat alone can’t offer. Alisa works with couples navigating exactly these kinds of transitions—from breakthrough moment to lasting change.

Apply for one-on-one coaching with Alisa to extend the impact of your retreat investment.

FAQ

How far in advance should we prepare for a marriage retreat?

Start meaningful preparation 2-4 weeks before. Practical logistics (childcare, work coverage) should be handled at least 2 weeks out. Emotional preparation—the honest conversations, the questions, the letter-writing—works best in the 1-2 weeks before you leave.

What if my spouse doesn’t want to go to a marriage retreat?

Start with smaller investments. Our 5 Day Intimacy Challenge is a free way to begin prioritizing connection without the commitment of a full retreat. Sometimes experiencing small wins builds appetite for bigger investments.

What should we NOT bring to a marriage retreat?

Leave behind anything that creates distraction: work laptops, demanding electronics, unfinished projects. Also leave behind your assumptions. Don’t bring a mental list of everything your spouse has done wrong. Bring curiosity instead of conclusions.

How do we choose the right retreat for us?

Consider your primary needs using the 6 Pillars framework. If communication is your biggest struggle, look for retreats emphasizing emotional intimacy. If physical connection has suffered, find one addressing sexual and physical intimacy. For faith-based couples, retreats with spiritual components add another dimension of healing.

What if the retreat brings up more issues than it solves?

This is actually common—and not a bad sign. Retreats often uncover layers that need attention. The retreat starts the process; you continue it afterward. This is where follow-up coaching makes a significant difference. Rather than leaving issues exposed without resolution, a coach helps you work through what surfaced.

Your Next Step

Preparation multiplies the impact of your retreat investment. By the time you arrive, you’ll have:

• Cleared the practical distractions that steal your attention
• Started the emotional conversations that create openness
• Grounded yourselves spiritually for whatever unfolds
• Aligned on expectations and goals

The retreat is the beginning, not the end. What you do before—and after—determines how deeply it transforms your marriage.

Resources to Help You Prepare:

• The 6 Pillars of Intimacy: Understand the complete framework before you go. Knowing which pillars need attention helps you focus your retreat time.

Come with open hearts, clear intentions, and willingness to grow. Your extraordinary marriage is waiting.