IS THERE HOPE FOR MY MARRIAGE THIS CHRISTMAS?

Amid the joy and cheer of the holidays, many couples ask themselves a devastating question: “Is there hope for my marriage?” 

Lots of couples courageously hold it together throughout the holidays but give up on their marriage after Christmas. In fact, in the first weeks of January, attorneys across the nation receive an influx of divorce filings. 

Law firms often see double or even triple the number of divorce inquiries on the first weekday of the new year. They call it “Divorce Day.” 

You Are Not Alone

The stress of the holidays can create and magnify cracks in your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. With a new year right around the corner, perhaps you want a fresh start because you don’t think you can improve or save your marriage. 

You need to know you are not alone. Every day, members of the ONE Family share stories about their challenges. Many couples are facing heartbreaking situations, broken trust, and disconnection. You are not alone in asking, “Is there hope for my marriage?”

But there is hope. Every day, couples in the ONE Family share stories of breakthrough and healing in their marriage! They send these messages to the Hug Hotline by calling 858-876-5663 or emailing hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.

If you are asking whether there is any hope for your marriage, read below to find testimonies of couples who took action and worked through issues and frustrations for the sake of their marriage. (Note: Stories have been edited for brevity.) 

Is This the Fight that Breaks Us?

Earlier this year, a hurricane hit our town hard, and we had to evacuate with our pets and 19-month-old son. To say it was a stressful situation is an understatement. 

We stayed in a hotel room for four days, watching and hearing about our town being destroyed. We had no way of knowing what was happening to our home, our jobs, or my husband’s vehicle. At the same time, we were draining our bank account to cover the hotel, gas, and food. 

On the third day, all the stress hit us, and my husband and I had a huge fight in the hotel in front of our son. There was yelling, mean words, and slamming doors. It was by far the worst fight we’ve ever had. For a moment, I thought, “This is the fight that breaks us.” 

My husband went for a walk, and I stayed in the room with my son weeping because I felt so bad for what had just happened. Twenty minutes later, my husband returned, and we both apologized, cried, and hugged. I asked him (only semi-jokingly) if he was going to leave me now. He said, “We made a commitment to take divorce off the table, and now is a time we need each other more than ever.” We had decided a few months prior to take divorce off the table after listening to The ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show. 

After all that, we came home and found our house flooded. We lost everything on our first floor, including furniture, toys, and even our Christmas tree. Then, we had to deal with relocation and repairs. 

It was a stressful situation that affected all aspects of our marriage (emotional, financial, sexual, and more). But we are getting back on our feet. Going through tough times is inevitable and necessary in a marriage. It’s just a matter of how you move through it. I want to thank The ONE Extraordinary Show and the ONE Family for teaching me that.

—K.L. (wife)

Choosing to Stay When It’s Hard

My husband and I had been very distant in our marriage for years. I made the bedroom a total rejection zone, and we had sex once a month at most. We have three children, and I put all my energy into the kids to avoid my husband. 

My husband traveled for work and eventually turned to other places for sex. 

When my husband told me what he did, it was like I was being punched in the stomach. It tore my heart to shreds. It was painful. But my husband told me he would do whatever it took to show me how sorry he was and regain my trust. 

After a lot of hurt and many painful conversations, I realized I had to make a decision. I could stay and work on our marriage or throw the last 16 years away. I decided to stay. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I wanted to give it my all.

When I was in a dark place and didn’t know where to turn, I searched for marriage podcasts and came across The ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show. In just a short time of listening, I became aware of what I had been doing to my marriage and husband. I am in no way condoning his actions, but because I decided to stay and give it my all, I think our next 16 years will be the best yet!

—Anonymous (wife)

Facing the Highs and Lows of Marriage Together

My wife and I have had nearly 38 years of marriage with: three daughters and a grandson on the way; our own Visitor from Heaven, who we learned at 18 weeks would not likely live, and so we loved her for 38 weeks but birthed her with broken hearts; a business that struggled for a decade before succeeding and required another decade to recover from the debt; along with a myriad of life’s blessings and trials.

We have a good marriage where we serve and enjoy one another in and out of the bedroom. Yet we have always struggled with real intimacy. We can’t talk about parts of the financial, emotional, sexual, or recreational areas of our marriage without it going badly and one of us saying, “I’m sorry I ever brought it up.” I couldn’t figure out how to break through.

Eventually, I discovered ONE Extraordinary Marriage. The Intimacy Lifestyle broke the one-dimensional mindset I had. 

One weekend, I went shopping with her to exchange a blouse and just be in her world for some extra time. We ended up buying some cute outfits for pickleball (part of recreational intimacy). Next, she wanted to stop at Victoria’s Secret (first, sixty-year-olds in that store probably shock the newlywed 20-something’s conception of their future 60s, and second, it leads to another kind of intimacy).

I was inspired to build a financial plan for my wife to understand where we are at so we can dream together (financial intimacy). I’m trying to ask either/or questions instead of just open-ended questions that hit a wall (emotional intimacy). We went horseback riding (more recreational intimacy). 

God brought us together in marriage as two 20-year-olds to build a cord of three strands that would yield fruit for His kingdom and bring us great joy along the way. Life has stretched that cord over 38 years.  

It is ironic that I found the ONE Family during a period of frustration over hitting a wall with our sexual intimacy but then discovered that the other five pillars have cracks that need to be repaired. We will get back to any cracks in the sexual intimacy pillar as we work on the other five.

—P.R. (husband)

Get Personal Help to Improve Your Marriage

Life’s challenges might have you wondering, “Is there hope for my marriage?” If you feel helpless in your marriage, you’re not alone. But there is still hope. Apply for marriage coaching today to get personal help to improve your marriage.