In 1996 we said “I Do”. Since then we have experienced life. What’s also incredible is to think that the ONE Family is almost 7 years old!
To celebrate, we want to give you the most potent lessons we’ve learned to help marriages find new life.
We figured the best way to share this would be to give you our top 7 marriage hacks (with plenty of resources to be a boss at each one).
Definition is as follows:
Hack: A strategy or technique for managing one’s time or activities more efficiently.
For the sake of this awesome and deeply informative (if we don’t say so ourselves) post. The “activity” we always want you to manage more effectively and extraordinarily, is… You guessed it…
So here are our best marriage hacks. Read all the way to the end because we ranked them and saved the best form last.
Buckle up, apply these liberally to your marriage, and get ready for the restorative ride of your life!
7. Your Health = Your Libido
Happy wife. Happy life.
Healthy body. Healthy sex-life.
We have found that the better you look (and feel) the more confident you are, the more confident you are, the better you “play”.
Keeping you and your libido in good shape will be a huge stress and time saver in your marriage.
Don’t make it hard to stay healthy.
Here are few health hacks to jump start you and your marriage:
Long time listener Kim puts it this way…
“One exhausted day I stumbled across your guest podcasts on Parent Savers and started listening to your podcast from there. Since then our marriage has made a 180, from ships passing in the night, to 2 people on the love boat.
We have scheduled monthly dates, weekly ‘tech free’ talk times, and sex once a week with us switching off who initiates every other week. I feel like we are taking strides towards the couple we once were, maybe even better and stronger!
I am happier, my husband is OBVIOUSLY happier getting it on the regular. But even more so, it is making us better parents too. We are more willing to be flexible and think about each others needs and less focused on our own.”
6. Emotional Intimacy First
Date night success starts with the heart.
The more gummed up we are inside, the less we want to connect outside.
The more we learn to take off our “masks” and connect on an emotional level, the more we connect without any other coverings as well.
Check out these deep connecting resources to maximize this hack:
Don’t waste any more time without getting unstuck on a soul level. It’s a great way to get freed up in a lot of areas at once.
Check out this couple that revamped their emotional intimacy big time!
“I feel convicted about things I need to do to improve our marriage, because it’s not just about the porn. It’s about emotional and physical intimacy, and I certainly have been neglecting those parts of our marriage. Even with this stress/turmoil going on, something happened this weekend that hasn’t been true in YEARS….I missed my husband. I missed HIM. Not the kids. Him. I couldn’t wait to get home.”
5. Ask & Answer Questions
Statements end journey’s. Questions get them started!
The less you end your sentences with a full stop, the less hesitation you’ll have about your spouse.
Asking a questions is a great way to show that you are genuinely interested.
And in return your eager answers can change your partner’s day!
Become good at asking and answering questions and you’ll cut through a lot of heartache.
Here’s some great ones to supercharge this hack in your marriage:
It’s amazing how leaving things open ended will open up so much for you both.
Here’s a couple that got this one to work like a charm.
“It is amazing how one simple question can lead to a 20-minute conversation. For us Connect Like You Did When You First Met has allowed us to actually talk about things that make a difference in our marriage.”
4. Overcome Rejection Fearlessly
We all feel rejection at some point in our marriage.
For too many, it signals the beginning of the end.
It doesn’t have to though.
In fact, overcoming rejection can lead you to a deeper intimacy than you’ve ever had before.
The prerequisite on this one is belief and perseverance. But armed with the 3 hacks above, you got this one no problem.
Feeling rejected or stumped? Here are some hacks to reject your rejection.
Here’s what it looks like to open up and get the ball rolling. This courage is there for the taking for you too.
“I control our physical intimacy 100%. I play the stall game, I withhold sex if I am unhappy with him for some reason, and I really don’t even have much interest in being sexually intimate…..and I know the constant rejection is chipping away at our marriage.
I have known this for a long time and have failed to change my actions. But listening to both of you has given me the motivation to actually take some action to save/protect my marriage. We have already been through so much hurt, I realize I have to ask myself, “why am I still pushing him away, when I know it can lead to another catastrophic event to our marriage is concerned”.
While we have become more emotionally and financially intimate as a married couple over the last couple years, now it is time for me to work on becoming more physically intimate with him.”
3. Rebuild Trust
This one takes the number three spot, because if your trust tank is low, you find depressing evidence everywhere in your marriage.
Stopping the trust leaks and restoring unity puts a multiplier into all you do as a couple.
Demolishing doubts and refilling your trust is like having the benefit of compounding interest in every area of your marriage.
Get your trust rebuilding on par with some of these resources:
One listener put it this way. There is hope for us all.
“My name is Amber and I just found your podcast yesterday and have listened to at least nine episodes already.
I have been struggling with trust & jealousy most my life (I’m almost 39) and I’m tired. This morning when I listened to the podcast about jealousy I broke down crying and it’s how I relate to my spouse .
He hasn’t cheated and gives me no reason to think he is but the light bulb went on for me when you said it can come from lack of communication. He has done things in the past I’ve had to get over but I’m having an extremely hard time letting go and he isn’t one to communicate about feelings or even how his day was. Made a lot of sense to me now why I become so crazy over small things.
Thank you for your words, openness and advice to all of us!”
2. The Intimacy Lifestyle
Being sexually intimate with your spouse is not an event 3 times a week. It’s a lifestyle.
We believe that a healthy sex life is both the best indicator and sustainer of a healthy marriage.
Pull the camera back and see your whole marriage as a supporter and extension of what happens in your bedroom.
It’ll rock your world in more ways that one. It has for many couples (us happily included!) and it will keep rocking us.
Here’s the tip of the iceberg to get you diving deeper into a lifetime of marital bliss.
Here’s a taste of how powerful this can be for all of us!
“Love your podcasts. Started listening about three months ago. Each week my husband and I switch off picking the topic/podcast we want to hear. And we have committed to listening each week, (yes I put it on the joint calendar!)
We just started the intimacy lifestyle. We decided on days that work for him to initiate and me to initiate. The first week, I was about 2 hrs from my deadline, exhausted from dealing with kids (we have 3, under the age of 6) and life.
It was very easily one of those nights I could’ve fallen asleep and not thought twice. But we made the commitment. All I can say is wow, I’m glad we kept to our commitment. 🙂 fireworks.
Thanks for what you are doing. Thanks for allowing God to use your hurt and past to bring healing and fun to many people’s marriages. I share your podcast with many of my friends and I’m super grateful for your ministry.
With a grateful heart,
PS. My husband brought me coffee in bed for the first time since we’ve been married. We will be married for 10 years this December. Your words are impacting him and our marriage.”
1. Sex Challenges
That’s right, the king of all ONE Extraordinary Marriage hacks, is SEX CHALLENGES!
All hail the king.
This started it all for us and kept us going throughout the years.
It seems so simple. Pick a number of days in a row. Have sex on each of those days. Compare notes. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
Watch your marriage grow healthier each time.
Wanna do your first or next sex challenge? Start here:
One very happy husband puts it like this:
“I showed my wife the book and she said let’s do it. I was shocked to hear this but thrilled that she initiated the challenge! We not only made the seven days but did thirteen out of sixteen days.
We listen to your podcasts and it has changed our marriage!”
That’s it folks. Our brightest and our best marriage hacks all wrapped up in ONE.
We love you guys and thank you for hackin’ out awesome marriages with us!