New Year, New Marriage: How to Take Action and See Change

Each year, countless people set New Year’s resolutions for their health, career, and marriage. It’s only natural to capitalize on the burst of motivation that accompanies a new year. 

Maybe you’re excited about what’s possible for your marriage this year. Or maybe a challenging year has left you feeling drained and discouraged.

No matter how you feel as the New Year approaches, you have the power to transform all areas of your marriage: emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual. 

As you’re setting your New Year’s resolutions, ask yourself: What’s the vision for your marriage? 

Step 1: Reflect on the Past Year

First, reflect on where your marriage has been in the last year. Examine the highs and lows. Think back on your wins and your struggles. 

You deserve to celebrate everything that you and your spouse are doing well. At the same time, take note of the cracks.

Cracks can show up in any pillar of intimacy. Right now, you might be experiencing:

• Intense brokenness or disconnection
• A need for healing, restoration, or forgiveness
• A lack of prioritization

As you reflect on this year, determine what you did well and what needs improvement. Then, cast a vision for the future.  

Step 2: Imagine Your Future

To take action and see change, you have to create a plan. If you can pinpoint your goals, you’re more likely to hit them rather than going into the new year just hoping for the best.

So look to the future. What would it look like for you and your spouse to have an extraordinary marriage? 

Consider each of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. What does extraordinary emotional intimacy look like in your marriage? How about extraordinary spiritual intimacy?

Ask this question about each pillar and discuss specific desired changes with your spouse. 

Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the closeness and connection between spouses created through sharing feelings, thoughts, and desires.

Signs of cracks:

• Broken trust
• Shallow conversations
• Lack of vulnerability

How to strengthen this pillar:

• Prioritize time together
• Put away your phone during conversations
• Take a trip down memory lane by reminiscing about your early days or looking at old photos

Physical Intimacy 

Physical intimacy is the closeness and connection created through your loving touch, such as kissing, cuddling, holding hands, and more. 

Signs of cracks:

• Quick pecks instead of passionate kisses
• Sitting on opposite ends of the couch
• Overall decrease in affectionate touch

How to strengthen this pillar:

• Talk with your spouse about ways to increase the frequency and intensity of loving touches
• Hold hands more often
• Kiss longer
• Sit closer together so you can touch

Financial Intimacy

Financial intimacy is about being close and connected in every financial aspect of your marriage, including day-to-day finances, insurance, retirement, and more.

Signs of cracks:

• Hidden debt or secret spending
• Avoiding money conversations
• Different financial priorities

How to strengthen this pillar:

• Get on the same page by talking about your money goals
• Decide if you want to get out of debt, make a large purchase, be more generous, or save more
• Write out your goals and determine the steps you need to take this year

Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy encompasses all your religious beliefs and observed religious practices. While many people consider faith to be personal, spiritual intimacy can actually be more intimate than sex. 

Signs of cracks:

• No longer having meaningful conversations about faith
• You’ve stopped praying together

How to strengthen this pillar:

• Invite your spouse into your faith walk
• Read the Bible together
• Pray for and with each other

Recreational Intimacy

Recreational intimacy is about what you and your spouse do together for fun.

Signs of cracks:

• Working long hours leaves no time for fun
• Tight finances limit date nights
• Young children consume all your energy

How to strengthen this pillar:

• Try new things and be adventurous
• Hire a babysitter once a month so you can enjoy yourselves with peace of mind
• Figure out what stronger recreational intimacy looks like for you and put a plan in place

Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy encompasses your sexual connection with your spouse, including romance, initiation, foreplay, and intercourse.

What does extraordinary sexual intimacy look like to you? 

Signs of cracks:

• You’ve stopped flirting or romancing each other
• Difficulty expressing your desires
• Lack of sexual intimacy

How to strengthen this pillar:

• Discuss your options: schedule sex, increase frequency, or try new positions, lubes, and toys
• Learn about the intimacy lifestyle
• Consider doing a sex challenge

Step 3: Write it All Down

Don’t keep your plans stuck in your head.

After you’ve determined your goals with your spouse, write them down or create a vision board. Make it tangible. Put your goals somewhere you can see them, like in your bathroom, on your fridge, or set as your phone background.

Every time you see your goals, they’ll remind you to be intentional about the actions you need to take. 

Step 4: Check Your Mindset

If you don’t believe you can improve your marriage, you’ll give up when things get difficult. You must commit to your goals and push through obstacles if you want to see change. 

Over the next 365 days, you can take consistent steps to restore and strengthen your marriage. While it might not be easy, it will be worth it. 

More than a New Year’s Resolution for Your Marriage

Now is the time to talk with your spouse about the changes you want to see. Don’t disqualify yourself by assuming your spouse won’t be interested. Be brave and start the conversation.

Even if your spouse isn’t on board, ask yourself what you can do to shift things. With a positive mindset, you can accomplish beyond what you can imagine.

Experience Transformation in the New Year

Ready to make real change but not sure where to start? Intimacy Mastery gives you personalized, practical resources to strengthen every pillar of your marriage: emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual.

Inside, you’ll get:

• Step-by-step micro-guides you can complete in minutes
• Monthly workshops with Tony & Alisa
• Exclusive podcast episodes answering your specific questions
• A community of couples cheering you on

Stop hoping things will get better. Start building the marriage you want. Click here to join Intimacy Mastery today.