NOT A TOUCHY FEELY PERSON? 17 CREATIVE WAYS TO STRENGTHEN PHYSICAL INTIMACY

“I’m just not a touchy feely person.” How many times have you said or heard this in your marriage? 

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Many couples find themselves in this situation—with one or both of them feeling like physical touch isn’t an essential part of their relationship. But it’s time to call out this statement as a flimsy excuse.

The truth is that your bodies are designed for touch, and physical intimacy is crucial for building closeness and connection between the two of you. 

Even if you don’t think touch is important, it plays a significant role in improving your health, reducing stress, and bringing you two closer together.

Let’s be clear: physical intimacy and sexual intimacy are different. 

Your Physical Intimacy Pillar encompasses all of your loving, non-sexual touches. You can probably think of the most common ones: hand-holding, back rubs, kisses. 

But if you’re not a touchy feely person, you might have written off physical intimacy because you don’t like those common touches. 

Good news: That can change today! 

17 Meaningful Touches For Spouses Who Are Not Touchy Feely

Check out these 17 creative ideas for strengthening physical intimacy, even if you or your spouse are not touchy feely people. 

Remember, emotional intimacy plays a key role in determining what touches are meaningful to the two of you. Don’t be afraid to try things a few times, ask what’s working, and brainstorm together about other touches that can bring you closer together. 

1. Sit Closer Together

Whether on the couch or at the dinner table, make an effort to sit just a bit closer than usual. You don’t even have to touch. It’s okay to start small when rebuilding physical intimacy. 

2. Play Footsie Under the Table 

A little playful contact during a meal—whether at home or on a date—can spark more fun and connection.

3. Help with Clothes 

Look for ways you can help your spouse get dressed or undressed. Securing their tie, unzipping their dress, or simply adjusting a collar can be a simple way to be physically close and share some light touches. 

4. Link Arms While Walking

Not a fan of holding hands? Try linking arms instead while you’re out on a walk and talk. 

5. Hugging Before Bed

Try a quick hug before going to sleep. Even if it’s brief, this touch can help the two of you end the day on a positive, connected note.

6. High-Fives 

Physical touch can be fun! Even if you think you’re not touchy feely, you should still celebrate small wins and accomplishments with your spouse, and a lighthearted high-five is a great way to do that.

7. Create a Secret Signal 

Some couples squeeze each other’s hands three times to say “I love you.” If you’re not a touchy feely person, think of some other ways you can send a message with touch. For example, a light tap on their arm, a gentle tug on their shirt, or even whispering something into their ear. 

8. Pat on the Back

A light, playful pat on the back or shoulder can show appreciation or encouragement without feeling too “touchy feely.”

9. Cuddle for a Few Minutes

You don’t have to commit to snuggling or spooning all night—or spending a whole movie curled up together on the couch. But isn’t investing a few minutes into physical intimacy worth it if it makes your spouse feel loved? (The answer is YES.) 

10. Dance Together 

Take a dance class. Jam out together at a concert. Even turning on some music in your kitchen and dancing for a few minutes can boost your physical intimacy. 

11. Hair Touching 

Gently running your fingers through your spouse’s hair can be a soothing, non-sexual way to connect.

12. Massage

If you’re uninterested in some of the more common touches like hugs and holding hands, try offering a shoulder or neck massage. You can focus on finding movements and pressure points that help your spouse relax.

13. Brush Against Each Other

When moving around the house, brush your arm or hand against your spouse’s. These small touches can add up over time to make your Physical Intimacy Pillar strong and sturdy.

14. Playful Poking or Tickling

As long as you both enjoy it, a gentle nudge or playful tickle can create moments of light-hearted connection that bring you closer together. 

15. Warm Their Towel or Blanket

If you’re not touchy feely, you may need to get extra creative about how you can make your spouse feel cherished and comforted. Try handing them a warm towel, blanket, or shirt straight out of the dryer. 

16. Gentle Shoulder Squeeze

A gentle shoulder squeeze could be a great alternative to hugs or longer caresses. It’s a subtle but reassuring gesture of your affection.

17. Casual Touch in the Car

The next time you’re in the car, gently rest your hand on your spouse’s thigh or on the back of their neck. This doesn’t have to last long, but it’s a thoughtful way to express love through touch. 

Yes, Touch Matters in Your Marriage

Whether you realize it or not, your body craves touch. Humans are wired for physical connection, and touch is a powerful way to communicate care, love, and safety. 

Science also backs this up. Skin-to-skin touch with your spouse leads to increased levels of oxytocin—your body’s love hormone. And it lowers cortisol—your body’s stress hormone. Touch can improve your immune system, regulate blood pressure, and decrease symptoms like headaches, insomnia, and muscle aches. 

Physical intimacy isn’t just for touchy feely spouses. It’s for both of you. So test out some of the strategies above. 

You don’t have to be touchy feely to have a marriage filled with extraordinary physical intimacy. But you do have to get intentional and explore what works best for the two of you!