A common issue that people seeking our help bring up as their “problem”, may surprise you. Hey, it surprised the heck out of us!
For many people, the problem with their marriage is…nothing.
What do we mean by that exactly?
Simply put, the problem is that there is nothing happening.
No communication, no fun, no arguments, no sparring, little if any sex, no intellectual stimulation…nothing. Just a strange, neutral level of coexistence, loaded with indifference, the nothing zone.
From the outside, life may appear to be good and happy. Nice house, good kids, good quality of life, the whole ball of wax.
But on the inside…nothing.
This often results in major problems down the road. It’s really not sustainable in a marriage.
Too often, people spend too much time just wondering what the other is thinking. Without crossing any lines or rattling any cages. Without doing anything even as basic as asking questions.
This inaction only causes the nothing syndrome to perpetuate.
Back in the early days of our marriage, Alisa and I struggled with this. We had this habit of trying to read each other’s minds and interpret what certain reactions or behaviors really meant.
Most times, this would just make me frustrated or angry. Why? Because I was always sure it was because of something I did or said. But, I wouldn’t ask.
We broke out of our nothing zone by doing something very simple and basic. We stopped trying to read each other’s minds, and started asking questions.
Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? Yet, surprisingly many couples don’t do it!
Here’s a challenge…
Every time you see your spouse in a particular mood or state, don’t try to figure out what is wrong.
Just ask. You may be surprised at how well it works. 🙂
On that note, I’d like to invite you to check out a simple tool to help you ask the right questions. How?
What better way is there, than giving you all the questions to ask? It’s a great resource that will pay for itself many times over, we guarantee it. Check out Connect Like You Did When You First Met: 101 Proven Questions for Couples now!