Do you know what the #1 reason for divorce is?
Is it infidelity?
Lack of intimacy?
Nope. Poor communication.
YourTango did a study that revealed the leading cause of marriages dissolving was how spouses talked to each other (or lack of talking at all).
In full transparency, we used to have arguments in our marriage too. And sometimes they even got loud. Not only would the argument drain us, but the aftermath would leave a wake for days if not weeks after.
Over time we realized that this was not the best way for us to live our lives and grow as a couple. Years ago we began to intentionally change how we would have discussions.
The changes we made were simple and easy but had massive impact on the quality of our conversations and their quick resolve.
Little by little we found that if our discussions were quick and we stayed focused we could have civilized discussions in less than fifteen minutes with the few tips below.
ONE TOPIC – ONE DISCUSSION
Be clear on your topic and be committed to sticking to it. If you are talking about finances don’t bring up the in-laws.
If you are talking about your sex life, it’s not the time to be talking about parenting skills.
Below we share our best selling book, Connect Like You Did When You First Met, to help you stay on topic.
HOW YOU SAY IT COUNTS AS MUCH AS WHAT YOU SAY
You know that there is a big difference between…
“Have a NICE day!”
“HAVE a nice day!”
How you speak to your spouse matters. The inflections in your voice, the words that you choose, and the volume (low or high) impact how they react to you.
This is known as “tone.”
If you want more effective communication be aware of the tone that you are giving your spouse.
Here is a simple strategy to try next time you speak to your spouse:
Imagine the way you’d like them to respond and approach them with that tone. If you’d like them to be understanding and empathetic in their response, give them that tone first. Even if you’re angry.
At first, you’ll find it challenging but experiment with this strategy and we promise you you’ll see incredible responses in your spouse.
Do you feel like better communication could save your marriage? Check out our best selling product He Zigs She Zags. Credited with saving thousands of marriages.
GIVE YOUR DISCUSSION ROOM TO BREATHE
When you have your discussion can sometimes be even more important than what you talk about. Make sure you choose an appropriate time to have a talk with your spouse.
Catching your spouse as they are running out the door, having that serious conversation right before bed, or trying to talk while the kids are running all over the two of you are not the most effective times and add extra stress.
Being intentional about your conversations will lead to more peaceful, civilized discussions.
Sometimes you just need an easy way to break the ice.
And if you’re feeling like you need a communication rescue, know that you’re not alone. We’ve been helping thousands of marriages crack the code on effective communication for half a decade now.
If you’re serious about getting this communication thing figured out, don’t wait another day to get started.