Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt this way before…

One Question to Kickstart Your Communication Image

“I feel distant from my spouse.”

“I try to get my husband to open up, but instead he just shuts down.”

“My wife just doesn’t seem interested in me anymore. I feel like we’re a million miles apart.”

“I don’t know if I love him/her anymore.”

You know you NEED to kickstart your communicate with your spouse but most of us were never taught HOW TO do this in easy, effective and practical ways.

So it’s no surprise that a survey from YourTango reveals the leading cause of divorce as… wait for it… communication problems!

So, we are here to get you moving.

We want you to ask your spouse one question today:

If you could dream up any way for me to communicate my love and appreciation to you – what would it be?

If you can do it in person, perfect. If you feel you might forget, send your spouse this smile inducing question right now via text.

If you’re in for this mini-challenge, post “I’m in!” below and share YOUR favorite ways to show love and appreciation in your marriage.

Even if you aren’t in for the challenge, it will be fun to read other ONE family members ways to make their spouse feel warm, fuzzy, and appreciated this holiday season.

And if you’d like to get more practical questions to help you communicate more effectively with your spouse, make sure to grab these 6 questions to instantly break the silence with your spouse.

Can’t wait to hear how your spouse responds — share in the comments below.

Please note: We reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


  1. My wife won’t even talk to me anymore. She’s moved to her mums thousands of miles away and I’m on the fence, but trying my best but to no avail. I’ve hurt to ‘the point of no return’?
    We haven’t spoken now for 2 weeks and my heart is aching – don’t know what will initiate conversation and I’m afraid the next time we talk, she will be talking about div!

    • Hey imraan,

      We are praying for you right now and over your marriage.

      The thing is that you are in a place where you need to make a decision to save your marriage now as you don’t have time to waste. Our recommendation is that you check out Save My Marriage Today,

      You need to be on the fast track to being able to connect with your wife before another 2 weeks goes by. The longer you are not in contact with each other the harder it is going to be and divorce will more than likely come up.

      Any yet if you have a plan to rebuild your marriage, trust, emotional intimacy you will have a chance at saving your marriage for many years to come.

      Love you guys.

  2. My husband moved out 4 months ago. He told me in an email a couple weeks ago that he is at the point of divorce (nice way to tell your wife of 17 years and together a total of 22). He wants to wait till after Christmas to tell our kids. So I texted this question to him and his response was ” it’s not that simple. What do you mean?” How can someone you have spent half your life with be so distant and disconnected? He refuses therap together. He is done. I am grasping at straws to try to save our marriage and our family and today I am beginning to realize that it’s probably not possible. He can’t answer a simple question to get the lines of communication to open up!

    • Hey Megg,

      We are praying for restoration in your marriage.

      You are at a point that needs a lot of attention. As much as we would hope this would begin to open up communication with your husband there is much more going on. You know this as it comes across in your message.

      At this time we recommend that you check out Save My Marriage Today, There are a number of action steps you need to put into place and a plan of action to do so.

      Love you guys.

  3. My husband has a temper which is legendary in his family. He has never made any attempt to control it. He is an engineer. It is in his DNA. Math and physics come naturally to him, verbal skills do not. He is something of a contrarian in that he often prefers an arcane meaning of a word or phrase when he thinks that modern society has wrongly co-opted the word to mean something different. He’s a perfectionist and tends to focus on the negative and ignores anything positive. When I try to communicate my feelings to him, he frequently says I am lying, perhaps because he does not understand what I am saying. If I try to clarify, he resorts to name calling and other abusive language. I once tried to explain that he was being verbally abusive. He then started calling me abusive. I am a very patient person and it takes a lot to make me angry. I think this is something that my husband does not understand. He is upset because I “don’t talk” to him. He wants to have meaningful conversations…and so do I…but he gets angry if I do not agree with him about something. Then he goes on the offensive, and I shut up because anything I say merely fans the flames of his temper. He understands the inner workings of any machine but human nature is a mystery. Sometimes I think he would be happy if I were his clone. I would love to ask him your question but I am afraid to do so.

    • Susan,

      This sounds very similiar to another couple that I have coached with. One of the resources that I recommended to BOTH of them was to read The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch. This is a book that I recommend to ALL couples that I work with because of the fact that no marriage comes with an instruction manual. It’s important for both parties to work to understand each other, sometimes this can be harder for one spouse.


  4. I’m in….
    And after asking, my wife said, “Why should you need to know that answer, you should be able to figure that out on your own.”

    Talk about true love right there! Immediately I was enlightened with such power and wisdom to thrive in a miserable relationship. If only being excited about misery was commendable. Hopefully I’m wrong about that….

  5. I’m in! I do think that this is a huge issue – we all receive and give love differently. I know my husband appreciates words of affirmation, but I’m going to ask him the question anyway! For me, I love a gesture of help, such as doing the dishes for me or asking how he can help with something I’m working on. A little bit goes a long way.

    For those struggling, I would say, please don’t give up. Marriage is hard, and we’ve been in difficult places before. I highly recommend diving into the resources here, the podcasts, and get therapy – even if your spouse won’t go, perhaps there are changes you can make that will help!

  6. I’m in!! I think men prefer to be shown the ways their wives love them. i.e. I like to surprise my hubs with his fave. chocolate candy!! Women, on the other hand like to be told verbally. This may not be the case every time but, for me I love words or texts of affirmation and love. Any who just my two cents 🙂

  7. I asked my wife this question and she suggested that I do her schoolwork for her. Not quite the response I expected but given her stress & frustration over it, I’m not surprised. Now I’m stuck reading books and writing papers. Thanks…. 😉

  8. I’m in!

    Currently struggling with communication and parenting. We have teenage twin daughters and our parenting styles are different. I fear being too strict and alienating them or causing one of them depression. This is ridiculous we love them both so much and my fear makes me very lenient in punishment. My husband on the other hand is an iron hand. Trying to parent in the middle ground and always stand behind each other is hard. But I am not quitting either.
    He keeps saying we are opposites in life and parenting I keep worrying he is wanting a way out.
    Marriage is so hard, worth it but hard.

  9. I’m in! I use words to show my gratitude, love, and appreciation-it’s my love language. I am trying to use more physical touch (kisses, hugs, etc.) since I know that is my husband’s language.

  10. I’m in! I cannot wait to hear what his answer is, because I really want him to feel safe to open up to me, and be vulnerable with his words, feelings, thoughts, ect.!

  11. I am in.

    How do you I show love and appreciation? I have told my wife and children that if they are not able to wash the dish before they go to sleep they must wake me up I will wash them. They are embarrassed and scared to wake me up. Nevertheless I have woken up at 02h00 am two or three times to wash the dishes. Since those two and three episodes. The dishes are getting washed the night before.

    I show love and appreciation by doing not just talking. More importantly do the minial and boring tasks with love and attention.