Praying for Your Marriage: A Practical Guide to Spiritual Connection

You know you should probably pray for your marriage. You’ve heard it mentioned at church, read it in a book, maybe even discussed it with your spouse once or twice. But when it comes to actually sitting down together and praying, something stops you.

Maybe you don’t know what to say. Maybe it feels awkward or forced. Maybe your spouse isn’t comfortable with it. Or maybe you’ve tried before and it just didn’t stick.

Here’s what we want you to know: you’re in good company. Most couples struggle to pray together. And that’s exactly why we’re writing this – not to make you feel guilty about what you’re not doing, but to show you a simpler way to start.

Prayer together isn’t about eloquence or getting it right. It’s about inviting God into your marriage partnership – at whatever level feels authentic for you. And we’ve found that when couples do this, something shifts. You stop hiding behind individual faith and start building shared spiritual partnership.

In this article, we’ll walk you through why prayer matters for your marriage, how to start (even if it feels weird), what to do when real obstacles come up, and specific prayers you can use right away.

Why Prayer Matters for Your Marriage (Not Just Individual Faith)

Here’s something most people get wrong about prayer and marriage: they focus on individual prayer FOR your spouse. That matters. But what we’re talking about here is different – prayer WITH your spouse.

When you pray individually for your spouse, you’re carrying your marriage alone. You might be interceding for them, asking God for guidance, bringing concerns to Him. That’s valuable work. But when you pray TOGETHER, something fundamental changes.

Listen to this: only 13% of couples say their spiritual intimacy is where they want it to be. That number shouldn’t surprise you – most couples treat spiritual connection like it’s optional, a nice-to-have if they have time. But within our 6 Pillars of Intimacy framework, spiritual intimacy is foundational. It’s the underpinning that supports every other pillar.

When you pray TOGETHER as a couple, here’s what changes:

You hear your spouse’s deepest concerns. When someone prays aloud about what matters most, they’re revealing what’s really on their heart. You learn what they’re worried about, what they’re grateful for, what they’re struggling with. This knowledge alone builds connection.

You align around shared values. Prayer reveals what you both believe and what you both want for your marriage. It’s not just you hoping your spouse cares about the same things – you’re explicitly saying it together.

You invite God directly into your marriage. Instead of God being the background of individual faith journeys, He becomes an active participant in your partnership. You’re not just praying for guidance – you’re asking for it together.

You support each other spiritually. Marriage isn’t just about emotional support or physical affection. It’s about spiritual partnership. When you pray together, you’re saying: “I’m not going to figure this out alone. We’re in this together.”

You develop a shared faith narrative. Some couples have parallel faith journeys – both following God, but on separate paths. When you pray together, you create a shared story. You’re building something as a team, not just as individuals.

The vulnerability factor here is real: when you pray aloud to God about your marriage with your spouse present, you can’t hide. You can’t pretend everything is fine when it’s not. You can’t maintain a façade. And while that feels risky, it’s also where real intimacy begins.

Prayer is the conversation that transforms your marriage from roommates to spouses in God’s mission.

Signs You’re Ready to Start Praying Together

You might be wondering: is this something we should do? Here are signs that you’re ready to begin building prayer into your marriage:

Start with our 6 Pillars of Intimacy book to understand the complete framework for building a thriving marriage.

• You want deeper spiritual alignment with your spouse
• You’ve been meaning to pray together but never actually started
• You pray individually but rarely (or never) together
• You attend church together but don’t talk about faith at home
• One spouse has wanted to pray together and the other avoided it
• You’ve tried before but it felt awkward or forced
• You’re newlyweds wanting to build spiritual foundation early
• You’re empty nesters rediscovering your marriage spiritually
• You face decisions that need spiritual clarity (kids, money, health, career)
• You want to know your spouse’s prayer life and spiritual heart

Here’s the reality: you’re in good company. Most couples struggle to pray together. If you see yourself in these signs, you’re not broken – you’re just ready to try something intentionally.

How to Start Praying Together (As a Couple)

This is where most articles stop being helpful. They tell you WHY you should pray, but not really HOW. Let’s change that.

1. Start Simple and Small

First thing: give yourself permission. You don’t need eloquent language. You don’t need lengthy prayers. You don’t need to get it “right.”

Prayer is just talking to God about what matters – simple, honest, real.

Start with 5 minutes once a week. Seriously. That’s enough. Pick a time when you naturally have peace together – Saturday morning coffee, Sunday evening, the beginning of date night. Make it the same time each week, because routine makes it sustainable.

Here are simple formats that work:

Hands together in silence – Sometimes the most powerful prayer is just being present together before God. No words required. Just five minutes of sitting together, holding hands, listening.

One person prays while other listens – If taking turns feels less awkward, one person prays while the other listens. It feels less performative. Eventually you’ll both be comfortable praying aloud.

Taking turns in conversation – One person prays, then the other adds to the prayer. It becomes a dialogue between you and God, with both of you contributing.

Praying scripture together – Read a Bible verse together, discuss what it means for your marriage, then pray about how it applies to your life. This grounds prayer in Scripture and removes the pressure of finding your own words.

Pick one format and stick with it for a few sessions before trying something else.

2. Identify What You’re Praying For

Don’t start with “pray about everything” – that’s too vague and you’ll get overwhelmed.

Start with ONE focus area:

• Your marriage: communication, connection, intimacy
• A specific challenge: financial stress, parenting decisions, health concerns
• Gratitude: what’s working well in your marriage
• Your children: if applicable, pray for their wellbeing and growth
• Your individual faith journeys: support each other’s spiritual growth

Choose one focus and stick with it for 4-6 weeks. Let that one thing deepen before you add more. After a few weeks, you’ll naturally expand. But starting narrow keeps it manageable.

3. Find Your Prayer Style

Here’s something important: there’s no “right” way to pray. Authenticity matters more than form.

Conversational prayer – Just talk to God like you’d talk to a trusted friend. “God, we’re grateful for each other. Help us be patient this week. We’re worried about money, so give us wisdom.” That’s a real prayer. No fancy language required.

Scripture-based prayer – Use Bible verses as your starting point. Read a passage, sit with it for a moment, then pray about how it applies to your marriage. This works well if you want structure and Scripture grounding.

Intercession – Pray for others. Your family, friends, community needs, the world. This unites you around shared values and focuses your hearts outward.

Thanksgiving – Spend your prayer time just being grateful. What’s God done in your marriage? What are you thankful for? This shifts perspective naturally and works at any faith level.

Guided prayer – Use printed prayers, devotional books, or prayer apps as structure. Reading prayers aloud together takes pressure off creating your own language.

Silent prayer – Just sit together quietly, listening for God’s guidance. No words, just presence.

If you’re not sure which fits, start with conversational or gratitude-based. They have the lowest barrier to entry, and people naturally feel comfortable with them.

4. Expect Awkwardness – It’s Part of Growth

The first few times you pray together will feel weird. This is completely normal. Accept it as part of the process, not a sign that something’s wrong.

Prayer requires vulnerability. You’re expressing needs, doubts, hopes aloud. You might feel self-conscious about your prayer language. You might not know what to say or how to say it. Some prayers will feel flat – and that’s okay. You’re still connecting.

The awkwardness FADES. Usually within 3-4 sessions. We’re talking a few weeks. And then it becomes natural.

Here’s something we’ve noticed: if it feels a little uncomfortable, you’re going deeper than surface level. Discomfort is often a sign of growth.

Addressing Common Prayer Barriers

We know real obstacles come up. Let’s address them directly.

“I Don’t Know What to Say”

This is the number one barrier we hear about. The good news is that the solution is simpler than you think.

Try this template: “God, I’m grateful for [something about my spouse]. I’m concerned about [one thing]. Help us [one request]. Amen.”

That’s it. That’s a complete prayer.

You don’t need impressive language. Honest beats eloquent every single time. If you’re still stuck, use prayers from devotional books at first. No shame in that – it takes pressure off creating language. Over time, your own words will feel more natural.

“My Spouse Is Uncomfortable With Prayer”

Different faith backgrounds, different spiritual comfort levels – this is incredibly common.

What NOT to do:

• Don’t pressure or shame them
• Don’t pray AT them (trying to convince them through prayer)
• Don’t weaponize prayer (“If you loved God…”)
• Don’t go solo and build resentment

What TO do:

• Invite without pressure: “I’d like us to pray together sometimes. No pressure – just 5 minutes”
• Start where THEY are: Maybe that’s silent holding hands, not spoken prayer
• Model consistency without demanding participation
• Celebrate any openness they show, no matter how small
• Pray for them privately; invite gently over time
• Sometimes they’ll move toward prayer as they feel safer with you spiritually

This requires patience and grace. But we’ve seen couples bridge this gap when the invitation comes from a place of love, not obligation.

“Prayer Feels Dry or Rote”

This happens to all couples eventually. The solution is to mix it up.

• Change location: pray on a walk, at a coffee shop, in bed
• Change format: different prayer style, different verses, different focus
• Change timing: try morning instead of evening
• Bring your real struggles into prayer – not just surface requests
• Sometimes silence is better than words

When prayer gets stale, it’s usually because it’s become too predictable. Shake it up.

“We Tried It Before and Gave Up”

Failure is just information. It’s not rejection – it’s feedback.

Ask: Why did it stop? Too ambitious? No time? Felt awkward? Lost interest?

Then start smaller than before. Lower expectations: 5 minutes, once weekly, conversational, no judgment. You learned something from the first attempt. Use that knowledge.

Different Prayer Approaches for Different Couples

One size doesn’t fit all. Here are approaches that work for different situations:

Conversational Prayer (Best for Beginners) How: Talk to God together like you’d talk to a trusted friend. Example: “God, we’ve had a hard week. Help us be patient with each other. We need Your wisdom on this parenting situation. Thanks for each other. Amen.” Pros: Feels natural; no special language required; real and authentic Cons: Might feel unstructured at first

Scripture-Based Prayer (Best for Deepening Faith) How: Read a Bible passage, discuss it, then pray about how it applies to your marriage. Pros: Grounds prayer in Scripture; deeper spiritual engagement Cons: Requires some biblical knowledge; more structured

Intercession (Best for Serving Together) How: Pray for others – family, friends, church, community, world. Pros: Unites you around shared values; focuses outward; powerful impact Cons: Can feel less personal to your marriage initially

Gratitude Prayer (Best for Reconnection) How: Focus entirely on what you’re grateful for – in marriage, in life, in God. Pros: Shifts perspective; creates positive focus; easy for all faith levels Cons: Might avoid deeper issues (though it’s a good starting point)

Sustaining Prayer as a Long-Term Practice

Starting is one thing. Keeping going is another.

Why couples stop:

• Started with unrealistic expectations (praying daily for 30 minutes)
• No protected time, so it never happens
• Got busy or distracted
• One spouse lost interest and the other gave up
• Prayer became rote obligation instead of connection

How to keep going:

Build the habit first – Consistency matters more than duration. Weekly for 5 minutes beats daily for 30 minutes that you quit.

Protect the time – Treat it like a date you can’t move. Put it on the calendar.

Start small, expand slowly – 5 minutes is better than zero. Build from there.

Connect to something enjoyable – Coffee, quiet house, early morning peace. Make it something you look forward to.

Mix it up – Different prayers, different locations, different times. Variety prevents staleness.

Grace over guilt – Missed a week? Start again. No judgment. No shame spiral.

Celebrate progress – “We’ve been praying together for 3 months” is worth celebrating.

The long game? Prayer is the conversation that transforms your marriage from roommates to spouses in God’s mission. That foundation sustains you through every season.

Connecting Prayer to Your Whole Marriage

Prayer isn’t an isolated spiritual practice. It affects everything.

Within the 6 Pillars of Intimacy framework, spiritual intimacy is where prayer lives. But that pillar doesn’t exist in a vacuum. When you strengthen spiritual intimacy through prayer, you strengthen everything else:

Emotional Intimacy: Vulnerability in prayer creates emotional safety. You’re revealing your heart to God and your spouse simultaneously.

Physical Intimacy: Spiritual closeness often precedes physical closeness. We’ve found that couples who pray together experience more physical affection and sexual connection.

Sexual Intimacy: The vulnerability you practice in prayer mirrors the vulnerability needed in sexual intimacy. It creates permission for bodies and hearts to be open together.

Financial Intimacy: Praying together about money aligns your values and decisions. Instead of money being a point of conflict, it becomes a place where you spouse spiritually.

Recreational Intimacy: Prayer can develop into a cherished shared spiritual practice – even a date-like ritual you both look forward to.

If you ignore spiritual intimacy as a couple, you put all of your other pillars at risk. They might survive, but they won’t thrive. Prayer is one practice that strengthens the entire foundation of your marriage.

Prayer Examples You Can Use

Here are actual prayers couples can use and adapt. Feel free to change the language to fit your voice:

Example 1: Simple Marriage Prayer (New Couples) “God, thank You for [spouse’s name]. Help us be patient, kind, and honest with each other. Protect our marriage. Help us grow together spiritually. Guide us as we build our life together. Amen.”

Example 2: Connection-Focused Prayer “Lord, we’ve been disconnected lately. Help us understand each other better. Open our hearts to each other. Give us courage to be vulnerable. Help us know and be known. Thank You for bringing us together. Amen.”

Example 3: Gratitude Prayer “God, we’re grateful for each other. Thank You for [specific thing about marriage]. We appreciate how You’ve guided us. Keep guiding us. Help us see each other the way You see us. Amen.”

Example 4: Prayer During Difficulty “We’re struggling right now. Help us stay united. Give us wisdom. Help us forgive each other. Help us trust You even when things are hard. Thank You for staying with us. Amen.”

Example 5: Blessing/Intercession Prayer “God, bless our marriage. Bless [spouse’s name]. Keep our family safe. Guide our decisions. Help us serve others together. Use us for Your purpose. Amen.”

Feel free to mix and match. Combine elements from different examples. Make them your own.

Frequently Asked Questions

How often should married couples pray together?

Start with once a week for 5-10 minutes. As it becomes more natural, some couples increase to a few times weekly or daily. Consistency matters more than frequency. Weekly practice that’s sustainable beats daily practice you quit. Find your rhythm and protect it.

What should we pray about as a couple?

Pray about what matters to you both – decisions, concerns, thanksgivings. Start with one focus: your marriage, a specific challenge, gratitude, or your children. Real, honest prayers beat perfect prayers every time. Pray about what’s actually on your hearts.

How do you pray with your spouse if you’re different religions or faith levels?

This is common. Start where you both feel comfortable – maybe holding hands in silence, or simple thanking God for each other. You don’t have to have identical faith to pray together. Focus on shared values and hopes for your marriage. Invite, don’t insist.

What if I get emotional when praying with my spouse?

That’s normal and healthy. Vulnerability in prayer is exactly the point. Tears, emotion, honesty – all welcome. Your spouse seeing your heart matters more than looking composed. Emotions in prayer are actually a sign you’re going deep.

How do I start if my spouse has never prayed before?

Start non-threatening: “Want to sit together quietly and just be present?” Then maybe, “Want to try saying thank you to God for something?” No pressure. Modeling comfort with prayer without pushing helps. Invite, don’t insist.

Can we use written prayers if we don’t know what to say?

Absolutely. Reading prayers from books, devotionals, or online resources is totally valid. It removes pressure and gives you language. Over time, your own words will feel more natural. There’s zero shame in this approach.

What if praying together feels awkward or fake?

It will at first – that’s completely normal. The awkwardness usually fades within a few sessions as you get used to it. Start smaller (silent, shorter, simpler) if it feels too uncomfortable. Authenticity matters more than eloquence.

Moving Forward Together

Prayer for your marriage is about inviting God into your partnership. When you pray together, you connect spiritually and strengthen the foundation of everything else in your marriage.

Start small. Pick a time, choose one thing to pray about, and have your first prayer session together. Seriously – this week. Five minutes. That’s it.

Expect some awkwardness. It will fade. Embrace simplicity. Extend grace when you miss it.

For couples ready to strengthen all six pillars of intimacy and understand the whole picture of marriage connection, our 6 Pillars of Intimacy book provides a complete framework.

If you’re looking for structured spiritual practices to deepen your connection, our devotions for married couples are designed specifically to build prayer and spiritual intimacy together.

For personalized guidance in deepening your spiritual partnership and strengthening your marriage, Tony and Alisa work with couples through marriage coaching.

Your marriage is worth the investment – and prayer is one of the most powerful ways to invest in it.