Praying Together As A Couple: Why It’s More Intimate Than Sex (And How to Start)

Sex is amazing. But praying together? It takes you somewhere even deeper.

That might sound counterintuitive. Physical connection seems like the pinnacle of intimacy – bodies intertwined, hearts racing, the closest two people can get. Yet something happens when you hear your spouse pray. Really pray. You witness them at their most vulnerable, unguarded moment – exposing their deepest fears, hopes, and struggles not just to God, but to you.

No performance. No pretense. Just their soul laid bare.

This is why Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo say: “Sex is amazing! Your sex life is a great barometer, compass, and treatment plan for your married life. With that being said, praying together takes you into an even more intimate place than making love.”

If you know you “should” pray together but don’t know how to start – or tried before and it felt awkward – you’re not alone. Most couples never share their prayers with another person, even their spouse. But prayer is how you build the Spiritual Intimacy pillar – one of the 6 Pillars of Intimacy that hold up an extraordinary marriage.

This isn’t about becoming prayer warriors. It’s about connecting with each other and with God in a way that transforms your relationship.

Why Praying Together Is More Intimate Than Sex

Physical intimacy involves your body. Prayer involves your soul.

You’re Revealing Your Soul, Not Just Your Body

Think about what happens when you pray – really pray, not just grace before meals. You bring your raw fears. Your actual hopes. The struggles you don’t post about. The doubts you barely admit to yourself.

When you pray out loud with your spouse, you’re giving them access to the most protected parts of yourself. “When you hear your spouse praying or worshipping, you see them in a different light. You witness them in their most vulnerable, open state before God.”

This goes beyond physical nakedness. You can be physically intimate while emotionally closed off. But you cannot pray honestly with your spouse watching without letting them see who you really are.

You Can’t Perform in Prayer

In many areas of marriage, we can put on a mask. We perform for each other. We present the version of ourselves we think our spouse wants.

Prayer strips away pretense. You’re speaking directly to God with your spouse listening. There’s nowhere to hide.

Most people never share their prayers with another person – ever. When you invite your spouse into that sacred space, you’re offering something remarkably rare: access to your unfiltered inner world.

The Power of Two in Agreement

Scripture speaks directly to this. Matthew 18:19 says, “If two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”

“When you stand together in prayer you are activating your faith and coming in agreement with one another.”

And Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us: “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Praying together isn’t just about emotional connection – it’s about spiritual power. When you pray as one, you’re building supernatural strength against the attacks that come against every marriage. You’re choosing to face life as a unified team rather than two individuals living under the same roof.

The Real Reason Most Couples Don’t Pray Together

Here’s what few people admit: it’s not that couples don’t want to pray together. It’s that it feels awkward.

Common barriers that stop couples:

• “I don’t know what to say”
• “I feel embarrassed praying out loud”
• “My spouse is more spiritual than me”
• “We tried before and it didn’t stick”
• “Our schedules make it impossible”

Tony and Alisa have been honest about their own struggle: “From our earliest years in church, it seemed like every pastor was talking about getting up before the crack of dawn to pray with their spouse for an hour. Truthfully, this was probably just my perception of what they were saying, but ultimately it seemed unattainable and we felt like failures.”

Here’s the permission you need: You don’t have to pray for an hour. You don’t need flowery words. You don’t need to be a pastor couple.

You just need to start.

How to Start Praying Together (Even When It Feels Awkward)

Start With 15 Minutes Once a Week (Seriously, That’s Enough)

Drop the image of rising at 5 AM for hour-long devotions. That’s not where you need to be – and trying to start there is exactly why most couples give up.

“There is no wrong way for a couple to pray together. What matters is that the two of you are choosing to share with your spouse what is going on inside you spiritually.”

Pick a time that actually works:

• Sunday night before bed
• Saturday morning over coffee
• Before leaving for work on Mondays

Fifteen minutes. Once a week. That’s your starting point. Consistency matters more than duration. Build the habit first. Expand later.

Hold Hands and Start Silent

If spoken prayer feels too vulnerable, don’t start there.

Physical connection – holding hands – creates intimacy even in silence. Try praying silently together first. Eyes closed, hands clasped, each of you talking to God in your own mind.

Afterward, share what you prayed about. “I was praying for your meeting tomorrow.” “I asked God to help us with the kids.” This builds the bridge between private and shared prayer.

Use Simple Sentence Starters

“I don’t know what to say” stops more couples than any other barrier. Here are words you can use tonight:

• “Lord, I thank you for…”
• “God, please help us with…”
• “Father, I lift up my spouse and their…”

Take turns with one sentence each. That’s it. Short is fine. God isn’t impressed by word count, and neither should you be. The goal is connection, not eloquence.

Pray About Specific, Practical Things

Don’t try to be theological. Pray about what’s actually happening in your life:

• Your kids (specific situations they’re facing)
• Upcoming decisions you’re wrestling with
• Each other’s work challenges
• Health concerns in your family
• Your marriage itself

The more specific your prayers, the less awkward they feel. “God, please be with us” can feel vague and stiff. “Lord, help us figure out whether to take that job offer” feels real.

Use a Devotional or Prayer Book

If free-form prayer feels impossible, let someone else provide the words.

A couples devotional gives you something to read, something to discuss, and often a closing prayer already written. This lowers the barrier significantly – you’re not staring at each other wondering who talks first.

“The Bible is meant to be bread for daily use, not cake for special occasions.” But if you need a starting structure, devotionals and prayer books serve that purpose well.

Find Your Time and Place

“Maybe it’s a weekend service or a midweek service. For some, it will be a devotional every morning. For others, it will be praying before the two of you go to bed every night.”

Where do you feel closest to God? Where does conversation flow naturally between you? That’s your starting point:

• In bed before sleep
• Walking together in your neighborhood
• In the car on a long drive
• Over morning coffee before the kids wake up

There’s no wrong answer. Find what works for YOUR marriage – and do that.

When One Spouse Is Hesitant

This is incredibly common. Different backgrounds, different comfort levels, different faith journeys. One spouse may be ready to pray together tonight while the other freezes at the thought.

“Spiritual intimacy is an area of life that most consider very individual. However, in a marriage, if you are dealing with something, your spouse is too.”

What NOT to Do

• Don’t lecture or nag about the importance of prayer
• Don’t make your spouse feel like a spiritual project you’re fixing
• Don’t compare them to other couples (“The Johnsons pray every morning…”)
• Don’t give up after one conversation

What TO Do

Ask how you can pray FOR them. This requires knowing what’s happening in their life – their worries, their challenges, their hopes.

“I’ve made praying for my husband a regular part of my day. I regularly ask him how I can be praying for him. While he may not choose for us to pray together, this regular conversation is opening the door to us being able to connect spiritually.”

Start with what they ARE comfortable with. Maybe that’s church attendance, not prayer. Maybe it’s a faith-based podcast, not a devotional.

Make it safe to say “I’m not ready for that.” Remove pressure. Create invitation.

Model faith consistently without demands. Let them see what it looks like. Be patient – this is a journey, not a destination.

Different Prayer Styles for Different Couples

There’s no one right way to pray together. What matters is finding what works for both of you.

Formal vs. Conversational

Some couples prefer structured prayers – the Lord’s Prayer, liturgy from their tradition, or written prayers from a book. Others prefer talking to God like a friend: “Hey God, here’s what’s on our hearts…”

Neither is more spiritual. Find what feels authentic for both of you.

Silent vs. Spoken

Silent prayer together – holding hands, eyes closed – absolutely counts. You’re still before God together.

Spoken prayer requires more vulnerability but creates deeper connection. Many couples progress from silent to spoken over time.

Scheduled vs. Spontaneous

Scheduled means same time, same place, non-negotiable. Sunday nights before bed. Wednesday mornings before work.

Spontaneous means praying when needs arise. In the car before a doctor’s appointment. In the kitchen when news comes.

The best marriages often have both – a rhythm plus responsiveness to what life brings.

Long vs. Short

“There is no wrong way for a couple to pray together.”

A 30-second prayer before bed is infinitely better than no prayer at all. Length grows naturally as comfort increases. Don’t force it.

Making Prayer a Habit That Sticks

The couples who pray together consistently aren’t more spiritual than you. They’ve just built systems that work.

Tie prayer to existing routines. Right after morning coffee. Right before lights out. Right after Sunday dinner. Attaching to something you already do removes decision fatigue.

Remove friction. If your devotional is on your nightstand, you’ll actually use it. If you have to search for it, you won’t.

Give yourselves grace when you miss. Life happens. Don’t shame each other. Just start again the next day.

“Like any area of your marriage, it’s important for the two of you to find a rhythm that works for you.”

Build slowly. Weekly becomes a few times a week. A few times a week becomes daily if you want it to. But only after the foundation is solid.

What Praying Together Does for Your Marriage

When you pray together consistently, you’ll notice changes beyond the spiritual:

Creates shared experiences with God. You’ll remember prayers that were answered. You’ll build a history of faith together.

Reduces conflict. It’s hard to stay angry at someone you just prayed with. Something shifts when you come before God together.

Builds trust. Vulnerability creates safety. When your spouse sees your soul, they know they have all of you.

Provides perspective. Life’s problems look smaller when brought to God together.

Keeps you aligned. Praying about decisions brings unity you can’t manufacture otherwise.

Carries you through hard seasons. “Folded hands take over when libidos fade.” Physical intimacy changes through decades of marriage. Spiritual intimacy only deepens.

“Choosing to be spiritually intimate with your spouse is building a supernatural strength against all the attacks on your marriage.”

Your First Step

This week, try once.

Hold hands. Close your eyes. Pray one sentence each. Thank God for something specific. Ask for help with something real.

That’s it. That’s enough to start.

“There is no wrong way for a couple to pray together.” The only wrong choice is never trying.

To understand how prayer fits into building an extraordinary marriage across all six dimensions of intimacy, pick up The 6 Pillars of Intimacy by Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo. And for couples ready to transform every dimension of their relationship, learn about couples coaching with Alisa.

Want a structured way to begin? The 10 Day Prayer Challenge offers daily prompts to build this habit together.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do you pray together as a couple for the first time?

Start simple. Hold hands, close your eyes, and take turns with one-sentence prayers: “Lord, thank you for [spouse’s name]” and “God, help us with [specific situation].” You don’t need flowery words or lengthy prayers. Even 30 seconds counts. The goal is connection, not performance.

What if I feel awkward praying out loud with my spouse?

This is completely normal. Most people never share their prayers with another person. Start by praying silently while holding hands, then progress to sharing what you prayed about. Use written prayers or devotionals if free-form prayer feels too vulnerable. The awkwardness fades with practice.

How often should couples pray together?

Start with once a week for 15 minutes – seriously, that’s enough. As it becomes natural, you can increase frequency. Some couples pray briefly every night before bed; others have a longer weekly prayer time. Consistency matters more than duration. Find a rhythm that works for YOUR marriage.

What should couples pray about together?

Pray about specific, practical things: your children, upcoming decisions, each other’s work challenges, health concerns, your marriage. Thank God for specific blessings. Ask for help with specific struggles. The more concrete your prayers, the easier they flow.

What if my spouse doesn’t want to pray together?

You can’t force spiritual growth. Focus on praying FOR your spouse privately. Ask regularly how you can pray for them – this opens the door without pressure. Model faith consistently. Create safety instead of pressure. Be patient. Sometimes one spouse’s consistent faith eventually draws the other in.

Is praying together really more intimate than sex?

In many ways, yes. Sexual intimacy involves your body; prayer involves your soul. When you pray aloud with your spouse, you’re exposing your deepest fears, hopes, and struggles. You’re revealing what you cry out to God about. This vulnerability creates a connection that physical intimacy alone cannot reach.