Spiritual Intimacy in Marriage: The Connection That Goes Deeper Than Sex

For many couples, spiritual intimacy can be more intimate than sex.

That might sound strange. After all, we live in a culture that treats physical connection as the ultimate form of closeness. But when you hear your spouse praying – really praying, sharing their deepest fears and hopes with God while you’re right there beside them – you witness something most people never see. You’re present at their most vulnerable, unguarded moment.

No performance. No pretense. Just your spouse, laid bare before God and before you.

This is the power of spiritual intimacy. And for many couples, it remains the most underdeveloped pillar in their marriage.

Only 13% of the ONE Family say their spiritual intimacy is where they want it to be. If that resonates with you, you’re not alone. And here’s the good news: building spiritual intimacy doesn’t require becoming a pastor couple. It doesn’t demand hours of Bible study or eloquent prayers.

Start with 15 minutes, once a week. Seriously, that’s enough.

What Is Spiritual Intimacy in Marriage?

Spiritual intimacy is more than attending church together or believing the same things. Plenty of couples sit side by side in the same pew on Sunday and feel no closer for it.

Spiritual intimacy is closeness created through shared faith, prayer, and spiritual practices. The key word is “shared.” This is faith lived together, not two people pursuing separate spiritual lives under the same roof.

Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo put it this way: “Spiritual intimacy is an area of life that many consider very individual; however, in marriage, you and your spouse are one. If you are dealing with something spiritually, it will affect your spouse.”

When you share your faith journey – your doubts, your growth, your questions, your moments of clarity – you invite your spouse into your inner world. When you pray together, you stand before God as one. When you worship side by side, you witness each other seeking something bigger than yourselves.

This creates a bond that nothing else can match.

Why Spiritual Intimacy Can Be More Intimate Than Sex

Physical intimacy involves bodies. Spiritual intimacy involves souls.

The Vulnerability Factor

In prayer, you can’t perform. You can’t hide behind the persona you show the world. When you pray with your spouse, they hear your real fears. Your actual hopes. The struggles you don’t post about. The doubts you barely admit to yourself.

Sex is amazing – your sex life is a great barometer, compass, and treatment plan for your married life. With that being said, praying together takes you into an even more intimate place than making love.

Think about it: How many people have ever heard you pray? Really pray, not just grace before meals? For most of us, that number is very small. Inviting your spouse into that space creates profound closeness.

The NO TRESPASSING Signs

Too often, NO TRESPASSING signs get put up inside of your heart because of hurt, fear, or distrust. These barriers don’t just block your spouse from your emotions – they block them from your soul.

Spiritual intimacy requires taking down those barriers. Not just before God, but before the person you’ve committed your life to. It means letting them see the parts of you that feel too sacred, too uncertain, too vulnerable to share.

When both spouses take down these signs, they access a level of intimacy that physical connection alone cannot reach.

How Spiritual Intimacy Strengthens Your Entire Marriage

Spiritual intimacy isn’t just about faith – it’s about the foundation of your relationship.

If you ignore spiritual intimacy as a couple, you put all of your other Pillars of Intimacy at risk.

Here’s why. Spiritual intimacy:

• Creates shared values that guide your decisions about money, parenting, and priorities
• Builds emotional safety because spiritual vulnerability naturally creates emotional openness
• Provides perspective when life gets hard and you need something bigger than yourselves to hold onto
• Sustains connection across every season of marriage – because folded hands take over when libidos fade

That last point matters more than many couples realize. Physical desire ebbs and flows through decades of marriage. Health challenges, stress, aging – these affect your physical connection. But spiritual intimacy isn’t bound by those limitations. It grows stronger with time if you nurture it.

When this pillar is cracked, the others become unstable. When it’s strong, everything else has a firmer foundation.

Signs Your Spiritual Intimacy Is Thriving

How do you know if this pillar is solid? Look for these markers:

• You pray together regularly, not just before meals
• You share what God is teaching you without it feeling forced
• Attending church is something you do together, not a solo activity
• You can discuss spiritual doubts and questions openly, without fear of judgment
• Faith influences your major decisions as a couple
• You serve together in some capacity – in your community, church, or home
• Spiritual growth is a shared priority, not something one spouse pursues alone

If most of these describe your marriage, your spiritual intimacy is in good shape. Keep building.

Signs Your Spiritual Intimacy Needs Work

These patterns often signal cracks in your spiritual foundation:

• Prayer together feels awkward or happens rarely (or never)
• You go to church separately or skip it entirely
• Faith discussions stay surface-level or get avoided
• Spiritual growth is a solo pursuit
• You don’t know what God is doing in your spouse’s life
• NO TRESPASSING signs have gone up around your heart

Only 13% of the ONE Family say their spiritual intimacy is where they want it to be. You’re in good company if this describes you – and you’re in the right place to start changing it.

5 Practical Ways to Build Spiritual Intimacy

Building spiritual intimacy doesn’t require a seminary degree. It requires showing up, being present, and being willing to be vulnerable. Here’s how to start.

1. Start with 15 Minutes Once a Week (Seriously, That’s Enough)

You don’t need hour-long devotions. You don’t need to match the pastor couple at your church. You need consistency, not duration.

Fifteen minutes, once a week. That’s your starting point.

Maybe it’s praying together before bed on Sunday nights. Maybe it’s reading a devotional over Saturday morning coffee. Maybe it’s a brief check-in about what God’s been showing each of you.

The Bible is meant to be bread for daily use, not cake for special occasions – but if you can’t manage daily bread, start with weekly. Consistency matters more than frequency. Build the habit first. Expand later.

2. Pray Together – Not Just For Each Other, But WITH Each Other

There’s a difference between praying for your spouse in private and praying with your spouse present. Both matter. But praying together creates something praying alone cannot.

Prayer is an avenue through which you and your spouse can experience breakthrough and deep, intimate connection.

If praying out loud together feels awkward, here are ways to start:

• Hold hands and pray silently together. You don’t have to speak.
• Take turns with one-sentence prayers. Nothing eloquent, just honest.
• Use a prayer book or guided prayers – let someone else provide the words until you find your own.
• Pray about specific, practical things: the kids, an upcoming decision, each other’s stress.

The 10 Day Prayer Challenge offers a structured way to build this habit if you need a starting framework.

3. Read Scripture or a Devotional Together

You don’t need to be Bible scholars. A couples devotional removes the pressure of figuring out what to read or how to interpret it.

Try reading a short passage aloud, taking turns. Discuss what stands out to each of you. Don’t worry about having all the answers – this isn’t seminary class. It’s connection.

Start with what’s manageable. A single Proverb. A devotional entry. A chapter of a Gospel. The point isn’t to become theologians. The point is to encounter scripture together.

4. Worship and Attend Church Together

Being part of a faith community matters for your marriage, not just your individual faith.

Shared worship creates shared experience. Singing together, listening together, encountering God together – these build connection you can’t manufacture at home.

And worship can happen outside church walls. Put on worship music at home. Sing in the car. Allow yourselves to be vulnerable before God and before each other.

After church, try asking: “What stood out to you?” This simple question turns passive attendance into active spiritual conversation.

5. Have Real Faith Conversations

Move beyond surface-level spirituality. Extraordinary couples talk about things other couples won’t – including their faith.

Questions that go deeper:

• “Where do you go in times of real trouble?”
• “Who initiates spiritually in our marriage? Is that working?”
• “What do you wish our spiritual life together looked like?”
• “What’s God been showing you lately?”
• “What spiritual questions are you wrestling with?”

Share your doubts alongside your certainties. Your questions alongside your answers. This builds understanding and creates space for your spouse to do the same.

When One Spouse Is More Spiritual Than the Other

Here’s the reality: most couples are not at the same place spiritually. Different backgrounds, different journeys, different seasons of faith. This is normal.

What doesn’t work:

• Lecturing or preaching at your spouse about where they “should” be
• Using spirituality as a superiority badge that makes them feel less-than
• Building resentment because they’re not as interested as you think they should be

What does work:

• The more spiritually mature spouse creates safety, not pressure. Invitation, not guilt.
• Meet them where they are, not where you think they should be. Maybe that means starting with church attendance, not prayer. Maybe it means discussing values, not theology.
• Model faith without demands. Live it out. Let them see what it looks like. Let that speak louder than words.
• Pray for them privately. Invite them graciously. Accept where they are today while holding hope for tomorrow.

Spiritual intimacy isn’t about being at the same place. It’s about walking together, wherever each of you is on the journey.

Overcoming the Awkwardness

Let’s be honest: praying out loud with your spouse can feel awkward. You might feel vulnerable. Embarrassed. Self-conscious about finding the right words.

This is completely normal.

Becoming comfortable praying aloud may take time and practice, but it is worth it.

Practical ways to reduce the awkwardness:

• Start with written prayers you read together. Let someone else’s words carry you until you find your own.
• Hold hands and pray silently first. Get comfortable with shared spiritual space before adding spoken words.
• Keep it short. One sentence each is enough to start.
• Pray about practical things. “God, help us with this decision about the kids” is prayer. It doesn’t have to be lofty.
• Share what you’ve been praying about before praying together. This eases the transition.

The awkwardness fades with practice. And remember: vulnerability is the point. The discomfort you feel is actually evidence that you’re going deeper than the safe, surface-level places.

Your Spouse Is Not Your Spiritual Savior

One more truth that matters: Your spouse was not designed to be the answer to all your prayers, and you weren’t designed to be the answer to all of theirs. At best, you are a helper, a reflection, and the occasional guide.

You still need:

• Your own relationship with God – personal prayer, personal scripture, personal seeking
• A community of believers – friendships, accountability, teaching from others
• Personal spiritual disciplines – practices that nurture your individual faith

Spiritual intimacy in marriage supplements these things. It doesn’t replace them. A healthy spiritual life together grows from two healthy spiritual lives individually.

Balance personal faith and shared faith. You need both.

Take the Next Step

Spiritual intimacy is the connection where your souls meet. It goes deeper than physical attraction, lasts longer than romantic feelings, and sustains marriage through every season.

Here’s your action step this week: Pick one practice from this article and try it. Just one.

Pray one prayer together before bed. Share one thing God’s been teaching you. Read one devotional entry together. Have one faith conversation that goes beyond the surface.

Start with 15 minutes, once a week. Seriously, that’s enough.

Remember: Folded hands take over when libidos fade. The spiritual intimacy you build now will carry you through every season of marriage.

For a comprehensive understanding of how spiritual intimacy connects to all six pillars of a thriving marriage, pick up a copy of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy by Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo.

For personalized guidance in building connection across every dimension of your relationship, learn about marriage coaching with Alisa.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How often should married couples pray together?

Start with what’s sustainable – even once a week for 15 minutes. As it becomes more natural, you can increase frequency. Some couples pray briefly every night; others have a longer weekly prayer time. The key is consistency, not duration. Build the habit first.

What if my spouse isn’t interested in spiritual intimacy?

You can’t force spiritual growth. Focus on your own faith while remaining open and inviting. Pray for your spouse privately. Model faith without preaching. Sometimes one spouse’s consistent, patient faith eventually influences the other. Create safety, not pressure.

Can you have spiritual intimacy without being religious?

Spiritual intimacy typically involves shared beliefs about meaning, purpose, and transcendence. For most couples, this connects to a faith tradition. If you don’t share a faith, focus on discussing your values, your sense of purpose, and what matters most to each of you. These conversations build a form of spiritual connection.

How do we pray together without it feeling awkward?

Start simple. Hold hands and take turns with one-sentence prayers. Use a prayer book or guided prayers. Pray about specific, practical things rather than trying to be eloquent. Share what you’ve been praying about before praying together. The awkwardness fades with practice.

Is spiritual intimacy important if we’re not very religious?

Shared values and meaning-making matter in every marriage, regardless of religious intensity. Even couples who don’t identify as particularly religious benefit from discussing purpose, priorities, and what they believe about life’s big questions. These conversations create alignment and deeper connection.

What if we come from different faith backgrounds?

Different backgrounds don’t prevent spiritual intimacy – they just require more intentional conversation. Discuss your beliefs openly. Find common ground where you can connect. Decide together how you’ll handle differences, especially regarding children. Focus on what you share rather than what divides you.

How is spiritual intimacy different from individual faith?

Individual faith is your personal relationship with God – your prayers, your study, your growth. Spiritual intimacy is faith practiced together – shared prayer, shared worship, shared conversations about what God is doing. You need both. Neither replaces the other.