STAYING STRONG AS A COUPLE DURING BACK-TO-SCHOOL SEASON

Life is full of changes, so staying strong as a couple through major life transitions is crucial. 

Whether it’s a new job, having a baby, moving homes, or becoming empty nesters, there are plenty of changes that will test your closeness and connection. Fortunately, you can choose to embrace the challenge as an opportunity to strengthen your intimacy.

One such transition that you may face this year is the back-to-school season. Perhaps it’s the first day of preschool, high school, or college. This might mark the first of many school years for your child or the very last. 

Staying strong as a couple as you navigate these transitions requires open communication, good conflict resolution skills, and a commitment to strengthening your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. 

Prioritize Your Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the workhorse of the pillars in your marriage, especially during times of change. As the school year starts again and your family experiences a shift from the summer routine, talk openly and honestly with your spouse about the changes. 

You might need to reassess responsibilities at home. For instance, who will pack lunch for the kids or help with homework in the evening?

Without open communication, resentment can build between the two of you. Conflict can pull you two apart. So share your honest thoughts with your spouse as you transition into the back-to-school season.

Emotional intimacy is also important if this school year is a particular milestone for your child. Check in with your spouse about their expectations and feelings. This is an opportunity to be vulnerable with each other and address any strong emotions you may be feeling. 

These moments of connection could be as simple as a weekly walk-and-talk. As you stroll, encourage your spouse to share their thoughts. Then, discuss ways you can tackle the upcoming life transitions together. 

Find a Balance Between Children and Marriage

During the back-to-school season, it’s easy to focus all of your attention on your children’s needs. Unfortunately, this often comes at the expense of your spouse. 

A healthy marriage creates a firm foundation for your family, so don’t neglect your relationship with your spouse. 

One of the best ways to maintain balance during this transition is to schedule times to be alone with your spouse. Whether it’s a date night, a weekend getaway, or a quick coffee break during the day, you deserve time for just the two of you—without talking about the children. 

While discussions about your children are necessary, it’s equally important to have conversations beyond your role as a parent. Otherwise, cracks may form in your Emotional Intimacy Pillar. You need to continue to get to know your spouse because both of you are constantly changing. 

If you’re having trouble coming up with new topics, use conversation starters to learn more about your spouse and deepen your relationship.

Manage the Calendar Together

A recurring challenge of the back-to-school season is the increased planning and coordination required to get everyone where they need to be on time. This can become a huge source of conflict in your marriage.

One way to minimize stress and disconnection between the two of you is to share the responsibility of the calendar. Be actively involved in managing the calendar together so that one of you is not solely responsible for knowing what activities are coming up.

If managing the calendar together isn’t feasible for your marriage during this season, talk openly about what responsibilities you will each manage. Additionally, make clear plans to ensure nothing falls through the cracks or leaves one of you feeling overwhelmed. 

As you manage the calendar together, don’t forget to prioritize your marriage among the many other activities scheduled. Be intentional about adding date nights to your calendar.

And when both of you know your family’s schedules, you can get creative about when you engage your sexual intimacy. For example, if you know the kids are participating in after-school activities, you can each initiate sex at a time when you have the house to yourselves.

Reflect and Dream

Back-to-school season is one of the best times to reflect on your accomplishments as spouses and parents. Whether your child is entering kindergarten or college, you are entering a new phase of life and marriage. Take a moment during the back-to-school season to celebrate that! 

You can also use this transitional time to set new goals. For instance, what personal strengths are you excited to develop over the several months? In what ways will you prioritize your marriage during the school year? Will you participate in a sex challenge? 

This year’s back-to-school season could be the start of something extraordinary in your marriage if you take the time to plan for it.

Support Each Other Through the Empty Nest Transition

For some married couples, this back-to-school season will be the hardest yet as they become empty nesters. Staying strong during this major life transition can be challenging. However, with a bit of intentionality, you can grow closer together in this new stage of marriage. 

First, explore new hobbies to enjoy together. For example, take a dance class, join a book club, or have picnics in the park.

Next, cultivate personal passions. If you have lots of time on your hands, take advantage of this opportunity to discover new interests, further your education, or pursue career goals. 

During this transition to an empty nest, emphasize romance. With fewer distractions and excuses, the empty nest phase is a great time to plan romantic weekend getaways or recreate your favorite dates.

Finally, remember that your spouse cannot meet all of your emotional needs. You need a community to support you alongside your spouse. Connect with other couples who are going through a similar transition and glean wisdom from their experiences. 

Staying Strong as a Couple in All Seasons

Major life transitions, especially the back-to-school season, can be a source of disconnection for many couples. Conflict arises, and you fall into dysfunctional cycles of arguments and fights. 

With The Conflict Cycle Workshop: Conflict Resolution Strategies for Married Couples, you’ll learn how to understand your typical conflict cycles, recover from disputes faster, and interrupt the cycle before disagreements spiral out of control.

Conflict is a natural occurrence in all thriving relationships, especially during times of major transition. If you weren’t taught how to handle it effectively, you’re not to blame. But there’s a way to resolve disagreements in a healthy way to remain strong as a couple. Join us today to learn the skills of resolving conflict constructively that will deepen your connection with your spouse.