You deserve a marriage full of fun, laughter, and adventure. That's the role of recreational intimacy. Discover how to overcome the dreaded "What do you want to do?" back-and-forth and find ideas to keep your recreational intimacy strong. 


"Is it possible to really enjoy time together after we've been married for a while?"

Surely, this wasn't a question you would have asked in your dating or newlywed days. 

Back then, your relationship was exciting. You spent time on fun dates, laughed so hard it hurt your stomach, and loved being with your beloved. 

But before too long, you might feel like you have become dull, boring adults. 

When you have cracks in your recreational intimacy, you'll begin to use all the typical excuses to avoid going on a date. Maybe the dates always look the same, or you can't remember the last time you went out together. 

Having fun is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself and your marriage. Let's make it happen! 

What is Recreational Intimacy?

First, let's define recreational intimacy. 

Recreational intimacy is all about what you do together—at home, on dates, or just for fun. It's the plans the two of you make to spend time together, doing things you enjoy. 

In other words, it's about having fun together, no matter how big or small the activity. 

All of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® are interconnected, meaning cracks in your recreational intimacy can weaken your emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy, and more. 

Similarly, investing in your recreational intimacy can help strengthen other areas of your marriage, too. 

The two of you are growing, changing people. So, spending time one-on-one throughout your marriage is essential. It allows you to learn who your spouse is now and what matters to them. 

Why is Recreational Intimacy Important?

Here are some fast facts to highlight the value of spending quality time together. 

First, engaging in fun activities decreases your levels of the stress hormone cortisol and increases your serotonin levels, which can improve your mood and sleep.

Second, couples who go on frequent dates and participate in activities together feel better about the quality of their marriage. In fact, couples who spend time together weekly are 3.5 times more likely to report being happy in their relationship. 

Finally, couples who date regularly, even just once a month, can lower their chances of divorce by 14 percent

Plus, having fun encourages creativity and productivity, both of which can be incredibly beneficial in your marriage. 

Going on dates with your spouse is not only fashionable, but it's vital to the health of your marriage. 

Recreational Intimacy Challenges

How many times has this happened to you… You're all ready for a fun night out. The kids are with a babysitter, you've put on a little extra lipstick or cologne, and you're about to pull out of the driveway. 

One of you asks the question, "What do you want to do?" 

"I don't know," the other replies. "What do you want to do?" 

The game goes back and forth until you're rolling your eyes and wondering why you even tried to go on a date. 

Routines are great in many areas of life, but they can be a death sentence to recreational intimacy. 

Challenge #1: You aren't trying new things. 

Fun and excitement often go hand in hand with novelty—trying new things, having new conversations, and getting to know a new side of your spouse. 

If you do the same things over and over, you miss out on the quality connection that recreational intimacy offers. 

Mixing things up doesn't have to be expensive or extreme. For example, try ordering a new dish the next time you go out to dinner. If you like spending time together outdoors, head to a new trail or try a new sport. 

Challenge #2: You aren't planning dates. 

Think back to when you were dating. There's a high likelihood that you both planned activities, many of which were new to you or your spouse. 

It's time for both of you to embrace that sense of adventure again. 

This might mean trying something your spouse is interested in, even if you don't think it's for you. Don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone—that's where you grow! 

You'll also likely need to get your marriage on the calendar before any other responsibilities. Make dates a priority. 

Remember, recreational intimacy doesn't just happen. You have to be intentional about it.

Dates with your children are not dates; those are called family outings. Please don’t confuse the two.

Your Recreational Intimacy Cheat Sheet

It can be tricky to come up with new date ideas, especially if you've been married for a while. Below, you'll find some of the top date ideas from the ONE Family.

Go through the list as a couple, or pick out a few to surprise your spouse. What you choose to do will be as unique as the two of you. 

  • Drink coffee together. 
  • Go for a skinny dip. 
  • Watch cartoons. 
  • Play hide-and-seek with one another. 
  • Watch a sporting event. 
  • Go to a shooting range. 
  • Garden together. 
  • Spend the night at a hotel.
  • Go ice fishing. 
  • Take dance lessons. 
  • Cook a gourmet meal. 
  • Take a helicopter or hot air balloon ride. 
  • Play a game at your kitchen table. 
  • Get pizza together. (Try a new topping!)
  • Build a time capsule of your favorite marriage memories.
  • Go axe throwing. 
  • Attend a comedy show. 
  • Go apple or berry picking. 
  • Eat at a food truck.
  • Show off your karaoke skills. 
  • Go stargazing in your backyard. 
  • Sit at the beach, by the lake, or in the park. 
  • Go skiing or snowboarding. 
  • Visit a local sporting goods store to pick out items for an outdoor adventure. 
  • Have a quiet, candlelit dinner on your living room floor. 
  • Go kayaking. 
  • Take a day trip to a nearby town. 
  • Go for a long drive. 
  • Visit an art gallery.
  • Ride bikes together.

The key to recreational intimacy is to be fully present and focused on one another. When that's the case, you can deepen this pillar anywhere!

If cracks are forming in this pillar of your marriage, it's time to take action. The good news is that this pillar is all about having fun. 

So, invite fun into your marriage and watch what happens to your connection. 

#1 Resource to Boost Recreational Intimacy

Being intentional and creative about dating your spouse is a critical success factor in an extraordinary marriage. The Date Night Done Right Guide provides ideas and examples of how to make dates work and create memorable experiences.

With instant digital access to this guide, you can begin planning meaningful dates that keep your marriage strong.

Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

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