Here is our latest submission for the most obvious statement of the year award: Men and women think differently.

The Truth About Your Husband and Sex

What is not even close to obvious, is how high, how deep, how wide and how long these differences are.

Both sexes have been trying to figure the other out for eons. Even though there have been major breakthroughs on both sides, the mystery remains.

A lot of this misunderstanding is based off the fact that the brain to mouth connection is incredibly different depending on whether you have two X chromosomes or if you have a Y mixed in there.

It is much easier to wonder what is going on in someone’s head if that person doesn’t allow those thoughts to come out of their mouth

As is no surprise to most of our readers, this lack of overt communication is much more likely to happen (or not happen!) when we are talking about men.

This is certainly not true for everyone, but is closer to the rule than it is the exception.

Add into the mix that men are generally more modest about communicating vulnerably, and you can compare the thoughts of a man to Russia during World War II, a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

Even though men might seem to be generally immodest on how they talk about sex to each other, getting them to be vulnerable and truthful in that area with their spouse can feel very intimidating indeed.

We’ve said many times that spouses need to talk about sex. It’s healthy and it’s good. We have 19 questions to amazing sex to help facilitate just that.

But given that men are not natural talkers, and sex is a pretty sensitive topic, wives may still feel like they have no idea what’s going on inside the husband’s head during sex and husbands may still have very little idea on how to express this.

We wanted to pull a few thoughts out to pull the veil off what men are most likely thinking about during sex.

One of these things may surprise you. Especially in a world that tells us that men only think about sex, all the time, it can sometimes be difficult to believe that this is not the case.

Although men do tend to have sex on the brain a bit more than women, it is not always the case.

So although we have a potential surprise coming,  here are few things that may NOT surprise you.

During sex your husband is generally thinking about what men generally think about.

Deep, huh?

This is worth pondering though.

Men are generally natural, protectors, providers and pragmatists.

It is not uncommon for a husband to be fending off the thoughts of whether the house is locked up for the night, what was that bump outside (which he will react differently to than his wife), how many meetings do I have tomorrow, when am I going to fix this squeaky bed and I feel a bit bad about myself for not doing it sooner.

A man during sex is still a man.

He does not magically transform into some laser focused sex machine.

The ladies know how difficult it can be to leave certain insecurities and preexisting conditions at the door, this is just the same for the guys.

Don’t be afraid to talk this through on a regular basis and encourage your husband to share openly.

It can even help to talk practically about how you can help get your husband in the mood. What touches does he like? What type of things can you say to help him forget his distractions?

This can help him to focus on you and only you.

Speaking of, there is an enemy that presents itself particularly in the minds of our men (although more and more women are struggling with this too).


Porn can hijack your brain with so many images that you aren’t able to be present with your spouse at all.

It can be like filling your swimming pool with raw sewage and then wondering why you’ve stopped enjoying the swim.

If you have a head filled with false and destructive images, then seek the help you need to once again get eyes and thoughts for your spouse and your spouse only.

OK, slight challenge aside, we did say you’d be getting a potentially surprising window of what you perhaps didn’t know men are thinking about during sex.

Most men have one overarching thought while making love to their spouse and the surprising part is it isn’t centered on them!

That thought is…

“Is she enjoying this?”

Although it is easy to be distracted by the sensations and testosterone, men want to know that they are pleasing their partners.

Some of this is just physiological. Men will almost always orgasm during sex and this generally ends the encounter

It can be very unsettling for a man if he is concerned his partner won’t climax or he can’t provide that type of stimulation before climaxing himself.

These thoughts can lead to terrific places in intimacy or can really be difficult to deal with.

Guys, don’t be afraid to hit this one head on. Ask your spouse what she likes!

Take the mystery out of your deepest point of connection.

Ladies, don’t be afraid to affirm your partner.

When was the last time he heard you tell him how, what and why you enjoy making love to him? When’s the last time this happened during that act itself?

The bottom line is to open up the lines of communication!

Just because we think differently, doesn’t mean our sex life has to suffer.

That’s something worth talking about!

Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

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