You’ve seen the video, the one where a guy is riding along on his bike and then BAM he slams into a brick wall.
He falls off his bike, dazed, and confused before slowly getting back onto his feet. He may get back on his bike, but most of the time he walks away dejected.
The emotional intimacy in your marriage can experience this same thing.
You and your lover are having a conversation, it starts to get heated, and before you know it BAM the two of you slam into the proverbial brick wall.
One of you begins to yell, the other shuts down, and your emotional intimacy is shattered.
We know this because this was our marriage for many years. We’ve learned why this continued to happen in our marriage. Below we share 6 ways you can stop slamming into the emotional intimacy brick wall.
No Alone Time Together
You have to spend time together without the day-to-day distractions to connect at a higher level of emotional intimacy. Put down the video game controller, turn the TV off, power down all the cell phones, tablets, and computers. Sit, stand, or lay down together and talk. Put this time on your calendar and make it happen.
Your Mouth Is Being Used More Than Your Ears
God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. Learn to listen twice as much as you speak. Your spouse desires you to understand what is happening in their lives not reply and fix it. If the two of you need assistance with this pull out a timer and set it so both of you have the same amount of time to talk.
Skipping From Topic to Topic
There is nothing more frustrating for both of you than talking about one topic and then another and yet another. Nothing gets resolved and you’re both left frustrated after talking. Stick to one topic! If it means that you talk about the topic for 15 minutes and you’re finished that’s fantastic. Move on to the next topic or set a date and time for the next one.
You’re Too Long Winded
Get to the point and be done. If there is one thing that drives us nuts when we are talking is when one partner goes on and on and on. Make your point and shut your mouth. Then let your spouse respond. Again, if a timer is needed so each of you get the same amount of time use one.
Stop Using “You”
“You did this”, “You did that”, “You”…”You”….”You”. Stop pointing your finger at your spouse and all their wrongs. It’s time to grow up and take personal accountability for your actions in your marriage.
You’re Body Speaks Volumes
Look your spouse in the eyes when you talk with them. Your eyes are a window to your soul. You know what it is like when your eyes lock with your spouses and even though words are not spoken you know what they are saying. Make it a point when connecting emotionally that both of you look at one another.
For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time. -Isabel Allende
What will you do to break through the emotional intimacy brick wall?
(Photo courtesy of Public Domain Pictures)