714: TAKE ME ON A DATE
“Dates got you to a place where you wanted to marry each other. If you want to stay married, keep dating your spouse.” —Andy Traub
Recreational Intimacy is just one of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, the other 5 being: emotional, physical, financial, spiritual and sexual. However, it’s as important as the others. In fact, for a lot of couples, this can be the pillar that allows them to work on the others.
When you are doing something that you can focus on: a new activity, exploring an unfamiliar area, even trying something new on the menu your brain engages differently, you have to be more present because you don’t know what’s going to happen next; you don’t know what to expect.
It’s easy to spend time together. But are you building the closeness and connection from shared experiences, making plans to do things together, to have fun and enjoy one another’s company, or is it the “same old-same old”?
It’s crazy how quickly couples can fall into routines. Going to the same restaurant. Doing the same activities. Having the same conversations. Which also means that your engagement with one another and your brains can go on autopilot.
Those dates don’t feel like a date because you know exactly how it’s going to go.
But what happens if you try something you’ve never done before? What happens if the two of you break out of the routines and engage differently? Turns out that it’s good for the two of you on a lot of different levels.
When your spouse says “take me on a date”, you have an incredible opportunity to affect the quality of your life as an individual and as a married couple. Research shows that experiencing new things is essential for a long and happy life.
According to Lara Boyd, in her TEDx talk: After this, your brain will never be the same. “Every time you learn a new fact or skill you change your brain,”
When you experience something new and like it, your brain triggers a release of dopamine. Dopamine makes you experience pleasure. And the benefits of doing something novel extend beyond just feeling good. Learning improves your brain.
So doing new things… improves your brain and the quality of your life. And if you get to do that with the one you love, well, it’s doubly good.
Remember when the two of you started dating one another? It got you to a place where you wanted to marry each other. Now it’s time to rekindle that investment of time, energy and even financial resources, to improve your marriage.
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This Is What Happens In Your Brain When You Try Something New
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