826: THE ROLE OF LINGERIE
“Lingerie is the maximum expression of a woman’s femininity.” —Dolce & Gabana
Your naked body is a gift to your spouse. And lingerie is like sexy wrapping paper. Sometimes, it’s fun to let your spouse unwrap you!
Lingerie is one of the many fun tools you can have in your marriage toolbox to enhance sexual intimacy. Of course, each couple approaches it a little differently.
You need to talk about this with your spouse so you can explore what works best for your marriage and your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®.
There are a few key points you should discuss with each other during this conversation.
First, does lingerie have a role in your marriage? For 61% of the ONE Family, the answer is yes.
Many of these couples shared that lingerie helps them get into the right mindset for sex. It can build anticipation and desire for both husband and wife. Lingerie can spice things up, increase your confidence, and make you feel more connected during sex.
But what about the 39% of couples who say lingerie doesn’t have a role in their marriage? Well, they have their reasons, too.
For many couples, lingerie feels impractical or unnecessary. Since it’s just going to be taken off, some people don’t see the value in putting it on in the first place.
If that’s how you view lingerie, it might be time to shift your perspective. The extra effort of wearing lingerie could have a massive impact on how the two of you connect sexually.
Some couples feel that lingerie is too expensive. If cost is a limiting factor, consider adding a line to your budget to cover a new lingerie item every few months.
There are several affordable lingerie options. With a simple conversation about the price of lingerie, you can flex three intimacies at once: emotional, financial, and sexual!
Several wives shared that lingerie is itchy or uncomfortable. This is a great reason to explore new styles, fabrics, and materials. Do you like silk, satin, lace, or cotton? Do you prefer matching sets, nighties, one-pieces, or something else?
In the same way that you might dress up for date night with a sexy but uncomfortable pair of heels, lingerie is a way to add excitement to your sex life! Best of all, you can find something that actually feels good on you.
Confidence and body image also play a role in whether couples incorporate lingerie. This is an important conversation to have with your spouse and may be more productive when done with a marriage coach or counselor.
Once you’ve covered the bases of whether lingerie has a role in your marriage, it’s time to discuss the specifics.
Who is going to buy it?
Some wives enjoy it when their husband picks out some options that most entice him. Then, the wife can share her preferences and give her size. Other couples enjoy going to stores together to pick out garments.
If pornography has impacted your marriage, it’s crucial that you discuss how to approach lingerie shopping in a safe and healthy way. You can find model-free lingerie sites. Alternatively, you might need to set a boundary about whether or not the spouse who has struggled with pornography will browse for lingerie.
Finally, keep the conversation open as you try new things. For example, how frequently do you want to use lingerie? Are there certain pieces that you want to keep on during intercourse? How can you use lingerie to create new sensations for each other?
Keep in mind that your preferences may change over the years. How you feel about lingerie might vary over the years, and it’s okay (and encouraged!) to try new things as time goes on. In fact, you might very well discover something new that you both enjoy.
Resources
Sex Clothes for Him and for Her
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