“Just because you can afford the payments doesn’t mean that you can afford the item.” —Anonymous

Debt is so prevalent in our society today. We’re encouraged from an early age that if you want it, you should have it, even if you can’t afford it. This has created issues with debt for far too many people. 

When surveyed, 47% of those in the ONE family said they brought some sort of debt into their marriage. For many, debt feels like a weight or a burden, so clearly it can be something that can easily hold a couple back.

Having debt is a complicated burden that too many bear. Depending on the type of debt and the amount of debt, you may find that it impacts your marriage and your level of emotional, sexual and financial intimacy because debt is attached to many unsettling feelings. 

Without realizing, debt can affect your intimate relationship:

  • The sense of being burdened can stress your physical and sexual intimacy. Fear, worry, and insecurity can make the vulnerability of sex too hard to engage in or enjoy.
  • When you don’t feel empowered financially, your recreational intimacy is affected because you feel like there’s no money to do anything.
  • This fear can take hold of your spiritual intimacy as it feels like God is not hearing or answering your prayers, or has you wondering “why us God”.

If you feel that your financial burdens are impacting your intimate life, know that this is a hidden opportunity for you as a couple to overcome this obstacle and come out stronger. 

You don’t need to feel angry, you just need to take steps to not live in a state of anxiety or doubt. Stop yourself and explore what state you’re in emotionally and then decide what is causing that anxiety so you can create a plan to work through it. 

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Debt does not have to be a given in marriage. It also doesn’t have to be an obstacle that consumes your marriage. In fact, it can be one way that the two of you can come together, be on the same team, and strengthen your marriage for many years to come.

Here’s how to get started on your journey: 

  • Create a list of all of your debt.
  • List out the terms for each type of debt you have now.
  • Remember that what you have in debt now, will always cost more by the time you’ve paid it off.
  • Make a plan going forward that you will always have a conversation about making purchases. Ask yourself this question: “are we willing to pay double for that same item/trip/experience.”
  • Look into debt consolidation if you have excessive debt.
  • Cut up your credit cards, so they are not available. 
  • Listen to the Dave Ramsey Show for financial advice.
  • Consider coaching so that you can experience freedom and give your marriage a breath of fresh air. It won’t just impact your emotional connection, it will change what happens in the bedroom too!

Remember your marriage should not just survive, it should thrive.

495: Money And Marriage: Part 1 — Bringing Finances Together

497: Money And Marriage: Part 2 — Those Money Conversations

499: Money And Marriage: Part 3 — Dealing with Debt

501: Money And Marriage: Part 4 — Side Hustle

503: Money And Marriage: Part 5 — Planning for the Future

505: Money And Marriage: Part 6 — Estate Planning


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Other Resources:

Position of the Month Club

Strategic Coaching Session with Alisa

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