483: OUR MARRIAGE VOWS PART 3 — FOR RICHER, FOR POORER

“There is no my money, his money or her money in a successful marriage.” —Anonymous

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In the series “Our Marriage Vows” we are stripping away all of the circumstantial topics that get put onto marriages, and diving deep into the core of what marriage is. Maybe you’re like Alisa who, on her wedding day, said her vows as a formality — because she was excited to get to the good stuff — the party. What she has realized and wishes she knew then was the vows WERE the “good stuff”.

Part 3 – “For Richer or Poorer”. Many of you weren’t brought up in homes where your families had perfectly healthy and open relationships with money. Either you saw bad habits modeled, lack of information about how your families handled the tougher money issues, or just lack of financial literacy about taxes, interest, debt, investment tools, and other money topics.

And then you both come together in your wedding vows and you profess “for richer or poorer”, but you probably didn’t give more than 10 seconds thought about what that might mean.

There are obvious challenges that arise with the “for poorer” side of things. When there is a job loss, high medical expenses, unforeseen situations that leave us needing more than we have – conflict can abound over how to resolve the issue (or worse yet, if left unresolved it becomes the monster in the room).

But the converse can also bring struggles — when money does come, how will you handle it? Do you have a shared goal for giving, spending, saving?

Money is just a tool. In itself, it’s at best paper, at worst a number on a piece of paper. If you want a great marriage, you have to talk about money. (94% of people with great marriages talk about money regularly). Otherwise there will be issues that creep in and create a wedge between you and your spouse.

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